Ask Auntie Trash: A Case of EdFringe Cringe

Dear Trash,

A friend of mine is putting on a show at the Fringe, and wants me to come along. This may sound like nothing, but I can assure you that this is a bad thing.

Look, I don’t want you getting the wrong idea – my friend, who is a very close friend, is a lovely person, but they’re not a good actor. They are probably one of the worst actors I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something, since I’ve been involved in theatre since I was a kid.

Please don’t think I’m jealous, I’m actually really very proud of them for getting this far, and pushing on with their dream, but I can’t bring myself to go to the show. My problem is, if I don’t go, what do I say? And if I do go, what do I say, then?!

Yours hopefully,

Bad Friend

Hey Bad Friend, Bad Buddy, Bad Pal,

I think you are jealous, I mean, you sound jealous, but I wouldn’t worry about it, because it’s a natural reaction to the news that your friend is doing something big and scary and awesome.  Your feelings of resentment are valid, but just don’t let them make you do stupid things, like be mean to your friend (who sounds lovely, by the way).

The good news is that you have two options: either go to the show, or don’t. It’s that simple. The bad news is that it’s actually not that simple, because when you add in things like friendship and feelings it gets messy very quickly.

If you were a critic, I would tell you to use the 'Conflict of Interest' excuse, which is just great for old friends, classmates, ex-partners, and anyone else who might come crawling out of the woodwork to ask you for a review. “Sorry, mate, I can’t do that, it would be a conflict of interest.” Boom. Done.

(Continues below)

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Unfortunately for you, you haven’t been asked to review the show, which means that there is no conflict of interest here, so if you really don’t think you can stomach it, then the answer is: just say no.

Sure, your friend might be a bit gutted that you can’t be there, but just because you’ve been asked doesn’t mean that you need to go. If you decline their kind invitation, then you need to have plans for every day that the show is on, even if the play is running for the entire three weeks of the Fringe. Just make sure that you send them a card wishing them well, and saying you’ll catch up with them after the festival.

Alternatively, you could grace the production with your presence, and sit your arse down on some impossibly uncomfortable seat for an hour or so. If it was indeed as bad as you feared, then you need to choose from one of the following options: a) Never give your friend feedback, ever b) Change the subject whenever it’s brought up in the future c) Run from the theatre without seeing your friend, buy a one-way ticket to somewhere fancy, and pray that that play will never, ever, find you. But is this the logical thing to do?

Hell no. You’re an adult now – in fact, you’re someone that has “worked in theatre” since you were young. If you loved it after all dread and jealousy, tell them.

 If you hated it, talk about something very specific, like, “I LOVED your outfit in the second act, it really brought out the character, where did you get it?” People love talking about their work, almost as much as they love talking about themselves, so throw in a conversation starter like that, buy them a drink and then excuse yourself as soon as you can. Like only a real adult can.

Good luck

Trashy x