The Forest Kitchen

When we covered the trend for freeganism several years back, the results painted either a grim vision of utilitarianism run amok, or the tale of crusties fighting 'the man' by eating out-of-date bananas covered in blue dye (depending on your point of view). As compelling as freeganism seems as a two-finger salute to capitalism, it is essentially taking the idea of scrambling for sustenance like a background character in The Grapes of Wrath and turning it into a lifestyle choice. It doesn't exactly look fun.

Wild foraging, on the other hand, strikes as an altogether more relaxed pursuit. Imagine a pleasant forage of a weekend and you see yourself wandering along quaint hilltops, like Heathcliff but with a basket and appropriate footwear. Picture the scene: rifling through nature's larder, content in the assumption that no humans will have tainted your bounty through health & safety compliance or drunken 'pit-stops'.

Nope, sorry. Wrong again. Foraging for wild scran requires serious logistical forethought, a working knowledge of botany and the patience of a saint. These are points that this writer can vouch for from personal experience. Foraging requires knowledge – where to go, what to eat, when to panic and what to expect to find.

On my sole venture into the suburban wilderness I wound up walking in circles for hours, slowly forgetting the little research I'd done as my shoes filled with water and my phone threatened to go to sleep unless I gave it some juice. In the middle of a two-mile nature trail, I ended up with some herbs, considered chasing down a squirrel, but ultimately decided against it.

Andy Fraser, on the other hand, is an experienced wild food specialist who has hunted for mushrooms, berries and other tasty treats for over ten years in hundreds of locations across the country. His squirrel-hunting record is unrecorded. Yet even he hasn't always met with great success.

“I have wandered many forests in my time,” he says, “some good and some bad. I have been startled by deer, fallen into rivers, fallen down cliffs. I've been caught out in rain so hard your waterproofs give up, been eaten by every insect the British Isles have to offer, and have found myself lost on numerous occasions.”

Yet it's clear that the lure of foraging outweighs the potential pitfalls. Andy says: “There is a definite sense of serenity about being in the woods or the hills picking wildfoods, feeling at one with nature. I know that's a very hippyish and kooky thing to say, but I have no other way to put it.”

This desire for serenity can be a pitfall for those wishing to get into foraging and make a start of it. Think of it this way: if you went out into the woods, did your research and found a brilliant place off the beaten track, where you came across a treasure trove untouched by other people, would you want to tell some newbie about it? (This logic does not apply to the Skinny Food & Drink Survey. Bit.ly/skinnyfood people, tell us what's good and where!)

However, with nearly 20% of the country covered in forests and other wilderness according to Scottish Natural Heritage, there really is enough foragey fun to go around. And for Andy, part of the thrill of the forage is finding new patches, and further mapping out nature's food cupboard. After all, if you wanted to go to the same place every weekend for food you could hit the supermarket. They're almost always warmer and drier, and the risk of deer attack is negligible.

Of course, at this point we need to address the visually appetising but incredibly toxic elephant in the room. We all know from childhood that eating mysterious food whose provenance is unclear is a bad idea, but it's still best to turn back to the man who's foraged for years for this bit. “They do say everything is edible, but some things only once,” Andy says. He adds: “I'm not particularly keen on any experimental meal being my last.

“The rule is pretty simple really; if you are not 100% sure of any wild food do not eat it. Some stuff out there will kill you stone dead.”

So, if you want to be a forager you'll need some countryside, a little research time, a waterproof coat, a stare that can ward off medium-sized animals, the sense not to stick things straight in your mouth and a little patience. It can be trying, and you may want to take out your frustrations on the nearest sentient being, but you never truly get something for free in this life. Well, unless it's covered in blue dye and giving off a highly suspect smell...

IS IT LEGAL?

To quote Rev. Lovejoy, 'Short answer: yes, with an if'. Long answer: Scottish Natural Heritage's guide to access rights and responsibilities says that picking mushrooms, berries and other natural goodies is legal, so long as it's for non-commercial purposes. In return, you should leave things as you found them, avoid over-harvesting and treat the countryside like Aretha Franklin – with respect. More info can be found at outdooraccess-scotland.com and snh.gov.uk