Valentine Scran: Setting The Mood With Food

Since you’re set on securing the affections of a fellow human this Valentine's Day, you’ll be producing three courses, often known as making an ‘effort’. The starter and the dessert are likely to be what your chosen target remembers, so vivify those memories by charming all the senses. Contrasting textures are noisy and engaging (my lady loves crunch), and carefully arranged natural colours can be mesmerising. You know to season everything, right? Right, now pick and choose from the suggestions below and make someone feel loved.

First get some flowers and candles on the table (low-level are best) and stick some fizz (one pink, one white) in the fridge. A good prosecco will make you look and feel richer than you actually are, and if you’re nervous then an opening Cosmopolitan will help – basically three parts vodka to two parts cranberry juice to one part Cointreau, shaken with ice and the juice of half a lime. Strain into your most pretentious vessels.

Starters should be light, fresh and pretty. Toss rocket, avocado, basil, and crisp, colourful endive leaves with lemon juice, extra virgin olive oil and salt and pepper. Add ripped Serrano or Parma ham and blood orange segments, pomegranate seeds or melon, before tossing again with a little more oil and a drizzle of balsamic vinegar. For a zingier, more substantial starter, gently fry finely diced ginger, red chillies and spring onions (diagonally sliced) in sesame oil and soy sauce, and use this to dress sautéed shiitake mushrooms and purple sprouting broccoli (steamed or simmered for 4-5mins). Don’t bother with raw oysters unless you really know where they’ve come from, and if you do then keep them ice cold and make sure you’ve got tabasco.

With any luck, you’ll want to move after your romantic dinner, so keep the portions small. If you’re set on steak for the main course, then make sure you open a window before getting your griddle pan smoking hot, because tears and fog are for breakups only. A good quality rump steak from the butcher has more flavour than sirloin, but is typically less tender. Whatever you choose, bring it to room temperature and rub with olive oil, salt and pepper before cooking. The best way to gauge the stage of your steak is to give it a prod (sexy). Relative to the particular steak, when raw it’ll feel like the fleshy part of your open palm, below the thumb. When well done (badly done) it’ll feel like that fleshy part whilst the tips of your thumb and pinky are touching. Ring finger and thumb together feels like a medium steak, middle finger and thumb like medium rare, and index finger and thumb rare. Bloody meat is sexy. Serve it sliced atop sautéed potatoes, dressed watercress and roasted cherry tomatoes (1hr at 150ºC), with a pepper sauce (single cream and heaps of freshly ground pepper into the vacated steak pan, rapidly reduced), because that’s what you want.

For a fish main, try adhering a crust of parmesan and breadcrumbs to salmon fillets using rocket pesto (rocket, parmesan, toasted, flaked almonds, garlic and olive oil, whizzed up and heftily seasoned) before baking for 12-15mins at 190ºC. Serve with a pea purée (frozen peas blanched for 2mins, blended, then heated gently in a pan with butter) and roasted cherry tomatoes. Or, slash the skin side of sea bass fillets several times, push in a little chopped rosemary, and fry for 2-3mins on each side. Serve this with thinly sliced fennel, onions and cucumber, dressed with blood orange juice and olive oil. Another accompaniment to fish or chicken can be made by roasting, skinning and chopping red peppers, before tossing, cooled, in a heated mixture of flaked almonds, clear honey, vinegar, sautéed garlic and parsley.

A risotto might seem a little safe, but it will go with almost any meat, poultry or fish, and you can easily make it special. Top with asparagus (boiled for 2-3mins), or a generous spoonful of fresh pesto. Or, stir in chopped chives and some seasonal Jerusalem (not globe) artichoke purée, made by bringing peeled artichokes to the boil in single cream, simmering until tender (8-10mins), blending, sieving and seasoning. Jerusalem artichokes also make a superb accompaniment to meat when peeled, thinly sliced and sautéed until golden brown in butter and olive oil. Purées aren’t just for babies; they’re a great way to get colour into a meal. Try blending carrots (boiled until tender), red peppers or beetroot before heating with cream, sieving, and drizzling around or over a finished dish.

Dessert should be an indulgence of texture and taste. Stir blood orange zest, double cream and the scrapings of a vanilla pod into dark chocolate melted slowly in a bowl over boiling water. Set in the fridge and sprinkle with crushed biscuits. Caramelised runny honey (just heat it up for a few minutes, being careful not to burn it) will set beautifully when poured over decent chocolate ice cream, crushed hazelnuts and fresh fruit. If you can get figs then simply serve quartered with chopped almonds in caramelised honey.

If you've followed these instructions carefully, you will find that the romance has reached near tangible levels. Now’s a good time to open the pink fizz and like, totally make out. And remember: always use protection.