Spring the Noise: Seasonal Food Guide

Congratulations, you made it! High five! You've come out on top, besting the most 'meh' winter in living memory. And your reward for surviving three-and-a-half months of continual greyness and the occasional stiff breeze? Why, it's spring, magical land of small fluffy animals, plants and vegetables in a wide range of exciting colours, and giant chocolate eggs. Naturally it's going to take you a while to adjust to this strange new world, so we thought we'd put together a little guide for you to get you started. You'll be gawking at baby sheep and comparing pieces of fruit with an officious zeal in no time.

BUYING

Clothing aficionados have Fashion Week, and film buffs have the festival circuit. When it comes to the foodies, the farmers' market is the place to be to find out what's new and in season, looking fly and tasting nice. There are over 50 of the buggers across the country, with two each in Glasgow and Edinburgh. They're ideal chances to try new things, such as Squabbit Pie (bits of squirrel and rabbit, not one horrifying cross-breed dreamt up by a bored farmer on a cold winter's night) at Stockbridge Market and Ostrich Burgers at the market in the shadow of Edinburgh Castle. Our tips for the market-goer: ask questions, as this will bizarrely make you appear more informed than you are; try the samples but don't take the piss as the supplier himself will probably be looking right at you as you do; and go early. Seriously, tales abound of entire stalls clearing out before the average sane person is thinking about getting out of their pit on a Saturday morning. If you fancy some local seasonal goods without the early rises and social interaction, then the likes of East Coast Organics and Grow Wild can bring farm-fresh seasonal produce direct to your door then leave you to get on with it. Whether they can bring you incongruous pies is something you'll have to take up with them.

GROWING

Now you, reader, are probably an urbane sophisticate with a nice haircut and a lovely pair of trainers. Someone who loves the hubbub of city life, but every so often, in quiet moments of reflection, longs for a simpler life of standing in a large field trying to control a runaway threshing machine whilst weeping softly at the overwhelming stress of supplying a ravenous supermarket produce buyer with thousands of tonnes of flour. That's you, give or take a few details. 

Thankfully, there are a number of groups out there who can help you get your fingers green without having to resort to enormous agricultural machinery, while avoiding the need to deal with such questions as “Who are you?” and “Why are you in my garden?” Sow and Grow Everywhere coordinate and organise a wide range of urban allotments across Glasgow and the surrounding area, taking derelict patches of urban sprawl and replacing them with hives of horticultural activity. How SAGE of them. Oh suit yourself. Anyway, SAGE work to hook up budding growers with advice, assistance, and super-cool Ikea-style modular plant storage solutions, and help to manage a wide range of community projects to suit the greenest of green fingers.

In the capital, it's a slightly different story. When the Council aren't busy trying to strangle the city's artistic community with one hand while signing off planning permissions for entirely necessary additions to Sainsbury's property portfolio with the other, they're presiding over six year waiting lists for urban allotments. Officially, you ain't growing a damn thing, son. Luckily, the Edinburgh Community Backgreens Association can help you get your spring on in your backyard, providing mentors, giving advice, and helping to talk round the mad old lady from upstairs. They even have their own social network of Edinburgh-based urban gardeners, so you know they're cool and 'with it'.

FINDING

You may well think that spending your hard-earned on such frivolities as food when At the Drive-In have confirmed for Reading and Leeds is a fool's game. You may believe that growing food is for men with odd accents and overbites. You may also have heard that food does in fact grow everywhere, and fancy a nice walk coupled with some off-the-cuff fruit collection. Spring brings with it a whole host of fruits and herbs for you to have a go at, and wild food can be found in almost any wooded area. Simple, eh? Save your money, see if Omar and the gang have still got it. That said, it would be remiss of us not to point out what our wild food expert Andy Fraser said when we dealt with this area in the autumn. Which was: “The rule is pretty simple really; if you are not 100% sure of any wild food do not eat it. Some stuff out there will kill you stone dead.” You. Dead. Stone dead, in fact, so be careful when looking for accompaniments for your Squabbit. After all, there's only ever been one guy who survived dying in the spring, and he had quite a bit of help with the whole business.