Have Fork, Will Travel

EatScotland, the culinary arm of VisitScotland, is currently trumpeting its range of ‘Taste Trails’, designed to give your trip to Scotland a distinctly local flavour. These are suggestive rather than prescriptive - you have to make your own way from point to point and work out somewhere to park your boots, so there's no danger of being stuck in coach trip hell playing ‘Name That Bivalve’. The Arran route is a good way to dig out the many foodie treats that first-timers to the island might otherwise bypass - Auchaleffan Farm for free range rabbits and tea bread from the Kinlooch bakery - whilst the Scottish Cheese Trail does exactly what is says on the tin, taking you from dairies to farm-shops to inner-city delis in pursuit of the truckle of your dreams. Or you could go the whole hog and embark on the self-proclaimed ‘gourmet pilgrimage’ A Flavour Of Scotland, an epic ten day trek that takes you from the warm coast of Galloway to the heart of Glasgow, via Scrabster, Ullapool and Skye. Think On The Road, but with fish suppers and single malt replacing chicks and rye.

But, as we all know, the most memorable trips are accidental, all the sweeter for being stumbled upon - you head with good intentions for a brisk hike to the Queen’s Head, but only make it as far as Colpi’s ice cream parlour in Milngavie, guzzling down a double nougat and ginger beer in the M & S car park.

Here, some of our favourite Scots give you their guide to an alternative bite of Scotland:

Steven Dick, comedian

“My annual Argyle weekend. Drive two and a half hours from Glasgow ending on the winding, dramatic, romantically named B8024 between Tarbert and Lochgilphead. Camp at PortBan, ideal for views of dolphins, Islay, Jura and Christians (the site often holds church events). Walk twenty five minutes up a single track road, beside the only working red telephone box in Argyll, enter The Kilberry Inn. Enjoy a Fino sherry aperitif followed by their brilliant modern Scottish cooking. The superb wine list includes delicious sweeties but make sure to round off with a peaty whisky. After a quick pit stop in the phonebox, take the starlit journey back to the tent and after pumping up the airbed summon the energy to give the Christians something to pray about.”

Bill Paterson, actor

"It was a hot Sunday morning in Edinburgh in the mid-1970s. A friend who gloried in the name of Brindsley Burbage, later to become a great botanist and intrepid explorer, called me up out of the blue. "We're going out for some kippers. Do you want to come?". A packed car-load of chums arrived and we set off for what I thought would be Portobello or maybe Musselburgh at a stretch. Picture my surprise when we headed west, through Glasgow, up Loch Lomondside and over to the shimmering waters of Loch Fyne. Of course, kippers! Loch Fyne. Silly me. I should have guessed. We pulled into the old smokehouse just north of Tarbert, loaded up with about four kippers each and headed for the shore. With a fire under them, the great silvery, slaty rocks of Argyll make the most perfect griddle for these most perfect fish. The accompaniment of choice was a half bottle of what we used to call 'cookin’ whisky' - no fancy malts - and oatcakes. If there had been such a thing as Taste of Scotland in those days, we would have been given a grant. The sun shone, and we had a swim in the loch. No kippers have ever tasted better.”

James Macintosh, drummer and founding member of Shooglenifty

“My ideal Scottish gastronomical experience would probably be dinner in the Calgary Bay hotel on Mull, after a day's walking on any one of the nearby coastal or woodland walks. Calgary beach is one of the loveliest in Scotland, if not the world, and is a short stroll from the hotel through their ‘Art in Nature’ walk, a woodland path full of extraordinary sculpture. The owners of the hotel are ecologically minded and passionate about food, and serve wonderfully prepared local produce. At the end of the day, what more could you ask for, but a whisky night-cap by the wood-burning stove in the lounge...”

Limmy, comedian

“If you’re into your brain training games, then get yourself to the Ritz Cafe in Millport, and have a look at your table. To the untrained eye, the table is decorated with a jumble of zig-zaggy, scribbly lines. But if you’ve spent about 20 summer holidays there, like I have, then you’ll know that each table contains a puzzle! Somewhere on the table are three small triangles, each a few millimetres across, that don’t touch any of the other lines. See if you can find them before your Knickerbocker Glory arrives.”