A Festival Of Food

Healthy T @ T In The Park

Sure, it sounds like the sort of well-meaning initiative that would sneak curly kale onto your pizza while your back was turned, but we have to admire Healthy T for bravely taking on the mantle of sensibly fuelling revellers at Scotland’s annual musical colossus.
Back and bigger than ever following its inaugural success last year, the Healthy T arena is a dodgy kebab-free haven. Food From Argyll will be shucking Loch Fyne oysters faster than it’ll take Diana Vickers to land a Buckie bottle in the coupon (there’s an office sweepstakes for you), La Grande Bouffe will be whipping up French speciality tartuflette (bacon + potato + cream = everything fine) and vegan purveyers of ‘non-violent curries for the civilly disobedient’ Ghandi’s Flip-Flop win the special prize for most appetising menu marred by most stomach churning business name. Entertainment while you chow down comes from performance pranksters the Bearded Kittens, The Flyin’ Jalapenos breakdance troupe and The Hurly Burly, a solar powered cabaret-come-kitchen doling out inventive veggie cuisine alongside string quartets.
If the likes of tattie-themed comfort food Mash Shack and a converted VW van named Poppy that dispenses fresh smoothies has raised your whimsy levels to a code red, a quick blast of Plastikman in the Slam tent should return things to normal.

9-11 July www.tinthepark.com

The Big Tent Festival

You can rely on Scotland’s major green festival to have some good scran on the go and sure enough all the suppliers at this weekend of arts, music and discussion at the Kingdom of Fife’s stunning Falkland Estate come from the immediate area.
The Estate’s very own sheep and pigs will be roasting on a spit for your Bacchanalian pleasure, plus there’s Pillars of Hercules homemade vegetarian grub for the less carnivorously inclined, Arbroath Smokies made on-site and gooey tarts and pastries from Fisher & Donaldson, Fife’s fourth generation family bakery.
Live acts include Rosanne Cash, Tunng, Tanzania’s phenomenal Zawose Family and Scotland’s own The Second Hand Marching Band, plus a programme of live poetry, debates and eco workshops. With tickets at a wallet-friendly £56 for three days camping if you agree to their Big Green Discount and cut your carbon emissions by 10% (don’t worry – they’ll show you how!) The Big Tent looks a very agreeable alternative to the festival Big Boys.
However, the only real incentive you should need to head along is that the beer tent is in the hands of the excellent Black Isle Brewery, whose Red Kite and Yellowhammer Ales are the fruitiest, most mellow pints you’ll ever taste. If you do nothing more than lay in the sun with a few of their jars, you’ll have had a day well spent – I’m sure someone will give you crib notes from that talk on ‘Outer Resilience and Inner Depth’ you totally meant to go to.

23-25 July www.bigtentfestival.co.uk

Perthshire On A Plate

Perthshire launches its inaugural celebration of local produce with a visit from ‘King Of The Jungle’ (ie head kangaroo ball botherer) and celebrity chef Gino D’Acampo. Whilst you may not want to shell out £100 to have lunch with someone your mum thinks is nice, there’s plenty of other items on the festival menu to whet your appetite.
Taking place in and around Perth Concert Hall, the majority of events are gratis and include sampling mini versions of local restaurants' signature dishes, downing a dram or two of local whisky plus masterclasses and advice on everything from how to “grow your own” to the best way to gut and cook freshly caught fish.

2-3 July, part of OOfest, Perthshire’s month long food festival www.oofest.com

Tarbert Seafood Festival

Argyll’s picture perfect fishing village plays host to its traditional celebration of all things aquatic this month. Pick up crabs, mussels, scallops, salmon et al on the cheap, either to wolf down on the spot or take to one of the nearby beaches for some serious barbie action. Al fresco specialist seafood cookery demonstrations are informal and attract the big name chefs (Nick Nairn popped into town last year) – make sure you elbow your way to the front to grab a taster.
Non-fishy entertainment is of the jovial, village fete school with the Beer On The Pier family-friendly afternoon concert, battle re-enactments and , with a slight whiff of Wicker Man, the annual selection of a local girl to become The Seafood Queen.

3-4 July, www.seafood-festival.co.uk

Can’t leave the city? There are a few lip-smacking events happening on your doorstep, so no excuse. The hugely popular Edinburgh Farmers Market hosts its 10th birthday party on 3 July with live music and the chance to win £500 in market vouchers (that’s mucho tablet); alternatively get yourself down to glam Prince’s Square in Glasgow on the 17 and 18 July for a taster of their pop-up Adult Ice Cream Parlour, which will be doling out scoops of alcohol-laced ices, including melon and Pimms and gin and lemon sorbets.