Culture Vulture: UK Culture News October
Brown is the New Blair
Many thought it would be the issues of immigration or the Iraq war that would lead to Tony Blair stepping down as PM, but ultimately it seems it is the fashion industry which has dealt the death blow. "Brown is so in this season," said Julie Pumpington, PR liason for hot London designers House of Smegma, before adding; "To be honest, I can't remember the last time we used any Blair coloured fabrics. Do you have any coke?"
Scottish Restaurants Lack Healthy Options
Scottish Restaurants have been criticised for contributing to the land's rising obesity levels by failing to offer healthy options, though some critics have suggested the real reason lies in a lack of self-control, and the fact that bad food tastes better. Health minister R. McDonald added, "Eating large amounts of whatever you want is fine, as long as you avoid stairs, relationships and going outside." His comments were slightly devaluated as he was wedged in a revolving door at the time.
Sometimes There Just Isn't Enough Vomit in the World
Last month the Tories tried to slime their way into our hearts with David Cameron's pun-tastic www.webcameron.org.uk site. This month sees the party consolidating their efforts with the launch of www.michaelportaloo.com, in which gut-faced ex-minister Michael Portillo reminisces about his time in office whilst perched on a plastic shitter.
Australia Says, "In A While, Crocodile Hunter"
Australian Minister for Tourism Robbo recently released a statement in memory of Steve Irwin: "Stevo was instrumental in raising awareness of environmental issues, and the way he so succinctly stereotyped our entire culture with his catchphrase 'crikey', achieved much more for tourism than has-been Paul Hogan and his infuriating 'shrimps on the barbie' every did. Really, who would have thought that someone who spent so much time with properly deadly creatures would've been killed by a fucking fish?"
In a particularly touching tribute, Australian Company 'Stevo Was Great' will be releasing a range of suncream in his honour, for its unprecedented ability to "protect against deadly rays".