The Tech Whines of 2012

Typically I use this space, at this time of year, to predict the coming trends in tech, gadgets and online stuff, and make all sorts of happy-slappy  calls about what will work. Well, seeing how spectacularly right I was for 2011 (ish), it’s probably time use this space for something more productive: whinging.

So, without further ado (like you needed more ado in your life), here are the top Whines About Technology for 2012.

• Streaming: Yes, more and more video content is coming over the internet, and yes, that’s probably where things are heading, but honestly, streaming video still sucks. The internet wasn’t designed for trucking your HDTV cut of Countryfile, and it shows. If I have to sit through one more ‘buffering’ animation when 50 year old TV tech can do this in milliseconds, I’ll scream.
• Wireless: Google launched a digital wallet that works like an Oyster Card, it’s in passports and bank cards and you can even charge a phone by chucking it on a mat, and the hell of it is, despite all this wireless tech, it’ll be at least 5 years before it really gets used. Home theatre and computer setups are still rats' nests of wires and cables, and we’re this close to never having to unfold a dirty fiver to pay for anything, and it’ll still take an age to make it happen.
• Roaming: If you make me pay £6 for every MB I use abroad, you are no friend of mine, or to the world. And you probably hate puppies and orphans.
• Gagitocracy: In line for the first iPhone? No one cares. Got a tablet? I can tell you where to shove it. Set up your pricey IP-connected home theatre? Well don’t – actually, I might want to use that later for the Spooks box set. Otherwise, world, let’s just all agree that we all have fancy stuff, and don’t know how to use it, or don’t and really couldn’t care about those who do. Gadgets are shiny, but end of the day, they’re tools, and if you brag about yours, you are too.
• Social Networks: We haven’t seen any major new social networks take root in the last few years, and there’s a good reason: we’ve already found what it is most people want to do with them (hint: it’s get laid). Unless you can come up with a theme better than that, I really don’t think we need another.

And that’s 2012, people. You’re welcome.