How to Not Look Like a Fresher

1. Do not wear a sign that reads 'hello my name is fresher' It's a dead give away. As is the lost, over eager look that adorns the faces of freshers everywhere.

2. Make sure your parents leave at the first opportunity. It takes fifteen minutes to unload your stuff. Try to prevent them from tailing you around town. Watch them get in the car, just in case.

3. Do not carry a map and look up at town monuments at inopportune moments. Do not draw a map of the town on your hand. If you have to, ask for directions in a casual but pleasant manner, you may be given the wrong directions by a sniggering ned but you will have talked to someone new you can potentially have a fight with should your partner dump you the following week after a night out.

4. Do not buy all your textbooks in fresher's week. You will probably find out that you don't need them when you actually take the course. Wait until you see your reading list, then check what's in the library. Then you’ll find none of them are there so you’ll have to buy them anyway.

5. Don't be overly friendly. The person selling you suppositories in Boots does not need to know your middle name.