Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Considering that I split my four-year degree between two very long-distance relationships, either Scottish men take their time in the wooing process, or I am just a glutton for punishment. Most likely the latter. So, having pretty much spent my whole degree pining for men who couldn’t bring themselves to be in the same city as me, I consider myself to be quite versed in the arts of long-distance love. What is more, of these two relationships, one was a complete disaster, and the other was – and still is – quite marvellous, so I have seen both sides of the coin.
Signs that your long-distance relationship isn’t likely to last a fortnight, let alone a whole degree, should be easy to spot. For instance, taking stalking to the next level is an obvious one:
“Who’s Frances?”
“I don’t know, why?”
“Well, why is she all over your Facebook page like herpes on a sex-addict!"

Others include: huge arguments about nothing in particular; finding that the only way to end these arguments is walking out at 3am and threatening to sleep in the bus station; trying to outdo the other one by seeing how long you can go without texting or calling them; indulging in sex, drugs, and other bad behaviour that you feel compelled to blame on your other half.

It's not all bad news, though. You might notice signs that your long-distance relationship isn't all that unhealthy: appreciating your freedom but without the urge to assert your right to do whatever the hell you want, with whomever the hell you want; that feeling that you don’t want to say goodbye and that you can’t wait until their next visit; being able to call them and tell them about your day without needing to brag about how much better your day was than theirs. I’m sure that the success of my second relationship had a lot to do with who we were as people. We were both that little bit older, both a little bit more relaxed and I had some fairly catastrophic past experiences to learn from. But, that doesn’t mean to say that I can’t think of a couple of helpful guidelines.

Look on the bright side – Long-distance doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. You get to do whatever you want (within reason). There are few restraints on your time, you can be independent and you aren’t running the risk of being defined as part of a couple. Plus, degrees don’t last forever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Skype – If you don’t use it, you’re an idiot. It has revolutionised the long-distance game. From drifting off to sleep while the other one writes an essay, to raunchy previews of what is in store during the weekend visit, Skype is your new fairy godmother.

Reassurance – Everyone wants it, it doesn’t make you needy. You’ll only turn into the clingy partner if you aren’t getting enough of it. Check in with them every day. Even if it is just a text. Think about it, you’d rather a 3am phone call to say I’m drunk, I was hanging out with other cool people, but I love you and I’m still thinking of you, rather than knowing they are out, getting complete radio silence and wondering what they might be up to.

Honesty – The truth hurts, but it also saves relationships. You are far away, you cant read them like you would normally, you rely on knowing that they will be honest with you. If you pretend everything is ok when it isn’t, it will get worse. But if you talk about it, you might be able to fix it.

Trust – If you don’t want to be waking up in the middle of the night, looking for suspicious text messages and wondering constantly who the hell Frances is and why she keeps rearing her ugly – not literally, sadly – head, then you have to trust them. Otherwise it will drive you completely mad. If they are going to cheat, they would have done it anyway, long-distance or not. Allow your other half the same freedoms that you would wish for yourself and don’t ever make them feel guilty for having fun while you are away.