Why I Love the 'Friend Zone'

Matthew Bobbu has news for you. Be a nice guy all you like; that still doesn't give you the automatic right to put your penis wherever you see fit. Welcome to the Friend Zone

Feature by Matthew Bobbu | 05 Jul 2013

I hear the term 'Friend Zone' used a lot these days, particularly online. If I understand it properly, it means being friends with someone you find attractive, but who doesn’t want a relationship with you beyond friendship.

Personally, I love being in the Friend Zone. My friends are all beautiful people – in some cases absolutely stunning. As a rather eccentric creative I have a lot of friends who are burlesque dancers, models, and performers. They are all wonderful people; startlingly attractive, talented as all hell, and absolutely uninterested in having sex with me. And that’s just grand.

I went to one of my friend’s birthday parties just the other week. She’s a fairly well-known fetish model, with an amazing figure, long legs, and brilliant red hair. I’ve been friends with her for about half a decade, and we have supported each other through some really rough times, as well as enjoying some thoroughly wonderful events together. I find her incredibly attractive, and if she were to ask me out on a date I would bang my head on the ceiling from leaping at the chance.

But you see, I don’t feel the need to be rewarded for being a good friend by someone having sex with me. The reward of good friendship is good friends, and that alone is worth all the time and effort I put into being as splendid an individual as I possibly can. So my friend remains my friend – an amazing, supportive, thoroughly valuable person in my life. And you know what? This is far more important to me than whether or not I ever get to put my penis inside her.

Of course, some people disagree with me. Some men in particular use the term as though it were some kind of curse. For some reason these chaps, always self-declared 'nice guys,' seem to feel that being 'just' someone’s friend is a bad thing. That they are somehow getting a bad deal if they befriend someone they are attracted to, perhaps even flirt with them, and then that person doesn’t want to have sex with them, even though these men are clearly such wonderful individuals by merit of the simple fact that they are somewhat friendly.

I have news for these people. You don’t get rewarded with sex for being nice. You are supposed to be nice to people – the only thing it earns you is respect. And, quite simply, not everyone who likes you as a person is going to want to fuck you. This is an immutable part of life, and it is not something you can change. I don’t know why you would want it to, either. I know a lot of very large biker gents; though they are charming, and we have thoroughly enjoyable times together, the thought that they would thank me for being nice to them by shagging me is quite, quite terrifying.

But that really is the bottom line of the problem with the Friend Zone, isn’t it? It is virtually always a man claiming that a woman they are attracted to is being mean to them by not being attracted to them in return. No man would use the phrase to refer to where his male friends have placed him in their social circle. No, he would just call them his friends. So why, unless you are an unappreciative, sexist, selfish, sex-obsessed imbecile, would you do anything different for the beautiful women you are lucky enough to have in your life?