XFM Column

Before I begin, I should point out that although I am a smoker, I am all in favour of the smoking ban. Bar staff and punters have the right to work and drink in a smoke free environment, without having to inhale lungfuls of other people's addiction. And lets face it; we've all smelled slightly better since last March.

With that said, I think the smoking ban spells tragedy for gigging ambience. To think that these rosy cheeked 17 year-olds are never going to experience the same joys of the smoke filled halls I grew up in. Smoking at gigs had many benefits. I'm not a big fan of crowds. I like my space. Especially my personal space. At gigs nowadays there seems to be a lot of invaders. In the past I used to light up, and wield my Camel light like an orange tipped light sabre. If you look like you might accidentally burn somebody who gets too close, well, they don't come too close.

Another problem is I get easily annoyed by people at gigs. Chatter-boxes; people with the ability to sing louder than the PA and so out of tune they could be on Celebrity Fame Academy; and people who are generally better looking than me. As a smoker, one subtle move of the bottom lip and the offender could be assaulted with a steady stream of tobacco infused smelliness. Generally they would back off.

What I really miss is the buzz of the smoking interaction with the artists. I'll never forget that Gene gig at the Garage in Glasgow where Martin Rossiter asked the crowd for a smoke. I had mine handy and tossed one to him – and for the duration of the next song… HE SMOKED MY FAG! And that, my friend, made me cool.

I know this is really just a misty eyed reminiscence of times gone by. And the majority of you are glad you are no longer hazy eyed after the ban. Nowadays you can actually wear the same jeans the day after a gig as they don't stink and the chances of passively picking up a life threatening disease are reduced. But have you noticed how the lights just don't look as good anymore?

Of course it's a good thing, and it will surely encourage more people to go to gigs than it'll stop. I mean, you can always pop outside when the band are playing one of those filler album tracks – if you have the correct ticket stub, a stamp, your passport and a visa.

Now, let's get the Executive to deal with the real problems at gigs. Bad dancing and tall people.