XFM Column - August

Have you ever dreamt of being in a band? I've always harboured dreams of rehearsals and gigs and groupies. But not as much as my mate Dave does. They say God loves a tryer and in that case he must adore my mate Dave.

When I first met him, by day he was writing Commando comics and by night he was frontman of PVS. Post Valentine Syndrome. And among the indie crowds of Perth they were stars. Many a happy night was spent in The Riverside Inn singing and dancing to You Think You're So Groovy, and PVS badges were as de rigeur as a pair of Docs and a Smiths t-Shirt. Then, the Riverside flooded (oh how they should have seen that coming) and the scene faded. And PVS went their separate ways.

Dave was determined to keep going, and upon meeting a similarly minded musician, called David, they formed I Am David. They were as camp as a Carry On film and with memorable ditties like Oscar's Erection they were set for stardom. Then the night before their first gig they asked me to dance for them – which I did. With a Bart Simpson mask and an inflatable guitar. They didn't last.

Then Dave moved off to London where he enjoyed musical success in a managerial role. For more info read the Suede biography: Love and Poison by my mate Dave.

In London, Dave joined a new band, The Boyfriends, who were getting mentioned in the NME and supported Morrissey in Europe. I believe they are still going, but that's not the reason for writing this column. Because he has a new project – and I think this is the one to get him on Top of the Pops. If it was still going. The New Royal Family, a band consisting of members of Jack, Salad, Linus and Gay Dad. And Dave. They formed for an impromptu Oxjam gig last year and things are snowballing.

Check out www.myspace.com/thenewroyalfamily and enjoy their debauched epic Anyone Fancy A Chocolate Digestive? It's probably three chords and the same lyrics all the way through but it's truly genius. And there's 23 Adam Ant references in the video if you fancy a challenge. In a world dominated by such dour bands as the Killers, Snow Patrol and Keane – this is so fun and stupid, it might just work.