Lost Map's Starz in Their Eyes
Ahead of walking through Kelly Matthews' famous Starz In Their Eyes curtains, we get some hints at who the likes of Pictish Trail and Modern Studies are going to be this December
As we approach the winter solstice we enter a time of reflection and reinvention. Accordingly, the universe has chosen the last Friday evening before the year's shortest day to provide you with a very special show: Starz In Their Eyes.
Hi there. Let me introduce myself: I'm Kelly Matthews, a part-time astrologer, optometrist and host of Starz In Their Eyes. On Friday 20 December I will be enabling five lucky musical acts to walk through my famous doors onto the Summerhall stage in Edinburgh, appearing like you’ve never seen them before. Get ready for sets from eagleowl, Pictish Trail, Modern Studies, Squiggles, Storm the Palace and Happy Spendy (with Chrissy Barnacle), each covering a pop artist of their choosing.
"Who are they going to be, Kelly?" I hear you ask. Well, I'm going to keep that a secret until the night. To give you some clues, however, I’ve travelled through space and time to the slot between Gladiators and Blind Date to find out more about their imminent emulation.
Kelly Matthews: He's come to represent the Highlands and Islands, it's 2013's winner the Pictish Trail! Are you looking forward to stepping through those famous doors once again?
Pictish Trail: I wasn’t aware that I won, last time. Was there a prize? WHERE IS MY SODDING PRIZE? I’m so excited about this year’s event, I'm going to attempt to knee-slide through those doors, Kelly.
KM: Ooh he’s a live wire, isn’t he! What have you got in common with your act?
PT: At present, a fairly prominent bosom. And a full beard.
KM: A lovely beard it is, too. And can you give us a clue about who you’re appearing as?
PT: They're known for doing covers themselves, including a particularly haunting version of Phil Collins’ Another Day In Paradise.
KM: There you have it, a haunting paradise from Pictish Trail. Next up: thrice time's a charm, it's regional runner-up 2011 and 2013 – eagleowl! Always the bridesmaid, never the bride – do you hope that this will be your year?
eagleowl: We do hope to get married this year, yes.
KM: How have you been preparing for the big night?
e: Mostly watching Stars In Their Eyes clips on YouTube. Particularly the ensemble megamix of Do They Know It's Christmas featuring an array of singers completely unrelated to the Band Aid single.
KM: It’s a favourite in the Matthews household! Why have you chosen your act?
e: [They're] a massive influence and have a huge collection of hits to choose from. But really, the best outfits. It’s pretty much all about the outfits.
KM: Can you give us a clue who you're going to be?
e: Previously we've done Talking Heads and Blondie. This feels like a natural progression from there. And the outfits. Such incredible outfits.
KM: From wedding outfits to school uniforms: next up we delve back into the 1990s to speak to Edinburgh's very own Storm the Palace! For those at home, tell us who you are and what you do?
Storm the Palace: Me and Willa are doing our Standard Grades, and Reuben and Jon are doing their CSYSes. But Alberto dropped out of school cause he's cool and has, like, a leather jacket. Me and Reuben are dating, and Jon and Willa are also dating.
KM: An intra-band romance! What could possibly go wrong? What can we expect from your transformation?
STP: You're gonna drop your Tamagotchis and be, like "WHOA". We're hoping we can get a big record deal with EMI, make a CD and be on Top of the Pops.
KM: Your musical future sounds bright! Who are you going to be – have you got a clue for our readers?
STP: Well, you could say this band had a similar situation to us, because they also had two couples. They probably made their best music when they stopped dating, but that's never gonna happen to us.
KM: We love that optimism! Next up, they'll be teaching us a thing or two with their performance, it's Modern Studies! Tell us about yourselves.
Modern Studies: I’m Emily – I’m a pick’n’mix merchandiser at Woolworths from Newtownards, County Down. Rob and Joe work the cruise ship circuit and Pete here sells encyclopaedias.
KM: What a bunch! Your act has been known to be a little bit controversial. Have you been known to make any outlandish demands?
MS: We are a very high maintenance band, as it happens, and are widely known for our diva-like demands. We don’t mind a bit of a tombola, but we don’t do buffets.
KM: We’ll prepare the green room accordingly! Can you tell us a little bit about your chosen act?
MS: Our chosen act is a pop star with a career spanning decades, known also for their fashions and films, and is one of the biggest selling artists of all time.
KM: We can’t wait to see this mystery icon! And finally, representing the superhero community we have cult favourites Squiggles! Tell us who’s behind the mask?
Squiggles: My name is Niall and I'm a Superhero Recruitment Officer from Dundalk. I travel the world playing slightly out of tune songs seeking people to join my group of self-helping superheroes. Look after yourself.
KM: Your act is very to-the-point, what message do you want to share with the world?
S: That it's OK to not be OK and you are never truly alone. Sometimes just getting through the day is a heroic act. You'll always be my hero.
KM: Thank you, Niall. Give the readers at home a clue about who you're going to be...
S: Your new favourite band.
And those are our stars! I hope you enjoyed the teaser ahead of the big event. Head along to Summerhall on Friday 20 December to witness the transformations with your own eyes. And remember: tonight you can be whoever you want to be.
Starz In Their Eyes takes place at Summerhall, Edinburgh, 20 Dec – tickets here