Top Trumps: A Guide to Locker Room Talk

Sick and tired of the men around you bringing their locker room talk into the outside world? Find yourself wishing these chaps came with a handy pamphlet to help you decode their slurs? Get up to speed with Deviance’s handy phrasebook...

Article by Kate Pasola | 07 Nov 2016

What he says: “You know, it doesn't really matter what they write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass...”
What he means: Women are currency. Also, I'm unaware the term ‘piece of ass’ died a death in the late 80s along with acid wash denim and my current hairstyle
How to respond: If you don’t have a reaction gif to hand, perhaps simulate vomiting. Not only will it demonstrate your repulsion, harkening to the idea of bodily functions might jolt your target into realising women are sentient beings rather than walking, talking ass-hosts.

What he says:If that woman weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”
What he means: Even the prospect of interfamilial intercourse won’t deter me from my warpath of sexual terror
How to respond: Consider calling the police.

What he says: [Re: a ten-year-old girl] “I'm gonna be dating her in 10 years, can you believe it?”
What he means: My scumbaggery knows no limits. Sexualising children is okay if it elevates my social status.
How to respond: Maybe call the police? Idk.

What he says: “Grab them by the p**sy. You can do anything.”
What he means: You think i’m intrusive now? Just wait till you see what I can do with your fundamental human rights...
How to respond: Yeah, no – you should definitely call the police.

What he says: “Such a nasty woman.”
What he means: “I'M FLAILING.”
How to respond: Smile back. Nastily.