Love Bites: Navigating Memories in Heartbreak

This month’s columnist reflects on the memory of a partner following a break-up

Article by Laura Menéndez | 15 Mar 2022
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I suddenly found myself in the aftermath of love. I sat on a bench facing the ocean, with now only the memory of him. All those special moments passed through my head, sequences in a movie. But it didn’t all hit me at first, sitting on that bench. I knew he was gone, but it is only when day after day, all the little moments are taken away from you that you realise what it means to really miss someone. That came later.

I didn’t know what to do without his presence. Everything brought me back to him: the bars we went to, the beers we drank, the music we sent each other. I read a cool line in a book, I wanted to tell him. I found a funny meme, I wanted to share it with him. But I couldn’t do any of those things. In those moments, I realised he wasn’t coming back and that I was alone now. 

I found the aftermath of love to be as meaningful and as important as love itself. I gave my feelings a place to stay. Made them all a cup of tea. Let them stay a while. Listened to their grievances. I learned to live with the sadness and the loneliness of lacking what used to be an important part of my life. 

As time went by I started to realise that memories can be whatever you make of them. It was sad to see him go, it was sad to be without him, but that sadness only explained why he had been important. 

Details became less clear. I stopped seeing his face in every stranger’s and hearing his voice around every corner. In the silence, I came to reconcile with an introverted and reflective part of me I had forgotten existed, and welcomed it with love.