Ask Anahit: New Love, New Nuisance
In this month's agony aunt column, a friend won't shut up about their new squeeze
A friend has become insufferable talking constantly about a new partner. It’s been months. We’ve been diligently smile/nod/looking interested when we want to say 'I’m so happy for you but you have to shut up because everyone finds this annoying'. How do we tell her we love her but it’s enough!?
Hi anon. The advice I’m about to give you is good and healthy and I stand by it. It's what you should do. It's what I should do! But I want to be very upfront that, when faced with this situation historically, I have simply said nothing and instead complained non-stop to my other friends. And they (presumably) wrote into an advice column about why their friend won’t shut the fuck up about her other friend. Such, I believe, is the circle of life.
Anyway, obviously you have to talk to her about it. That could be the answer to every question I get sent, to be honest. I should get a rubber stamp made. But firstly, some things to consider before you take a much-needed baseball bat to her rosy little world. Is this her first relationship in a while? Has she found relationships difficult or traumatic in the past, and is this word vomit mere sheer relief? Is she, in fact, dating Phoebe Bridgers? These may at least give context as to why she’s behaving like this, and allow you to move forward with some grace.
And, armed with this grace, you can just gently let it slip that while you’re DELIGHTED for her and yes don’t we ALL wish we could find someone so dreamy, and of course it IS fascinating that he/she/they bikes to work, that you want your friendship to pass the Bechdel Test (gendy neuch) and speak to the many complexities of your lives. You want to know everything about her, not just her partner, because you love her so much! As, ahem, Eleanor Roosevelt once said: only small minds discuss other people/their stupid partners (if you relate it to feminism people will find you deeply tedious but they won’t be able to argue). Ultimately, it’s about framing it as concern for your intimacy because it matters so much to you, rather than resentment because she’s being annoying. And yes, of course, between me and you, it is mostly because she’s being annoying x
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