Ask Anahit: Double Trouble
In this month's advice column, one reader – gasp! – fancies more than one person at a time
Can you crush on two people at once and how long are you allowed to balance both without brain confusion? When should you just commit to pursuing one?
I’ll be so real with you, sweet anonymous angel, the original draft of this response was 99% unchecked frustration and 1% advice but I have sat down, done some self-soothing, some introspection, some reading of the actual words of your question, and I have decided to take another spin.
Because what you’re asking is not about the ethics of the situation – which I simply do not think I could bear to answer one more time, that yes your feelings are valid, that yes pathologising anything that does not lead to the sanctified couple form is bad, actually – but about your capacity to handle it. Which, I guess, is really your call to make as to how easily confused your brain is. But I would question the relevance of confusion in this scenario at all, because it implies that there ought to be a singular focus here which you’re not allowing yourself.
You’re talking about a crush here, which means we’re not even wading into the messy quagmire of polyamory. You just… fancy more than one person? You’re excited about the possibilities of… multiple people? You don’t… think just one person on this good green earth is fuckable? I don’t know man, just because the Victorians would lock you in a psych ward doesn’t mean it’s inherently mind-addling.
I, personally, think you could exist in this state forever. I, personally, would kill to be you right now. Do you know how rare crushes are in this economy? Do you realise how bleak life feels with only your past lovers to think about? If you’re caught up on the idea of it eventually leading to something, maybe see how the relationships naturally develop, and which one feels like the one you want to pursue. Maybe you won’t even have to choose! Please feel free to mentally insert that one El Dorado meme here. But for now, Jesus, hang tight to the fantasy of both for as long as you can.