Ask Anahit: How to Fuckboi Favourably

In this month's agony aunt column, one person asks how to ethically conduct That Fuckboi Life

Feature by Anahit Behrooz | 09 Aug 2023
  • Ask Anahit

How do I respectfully be a fuckboi (gender neutral)?

Hello and welcome to Ask Anahit, mysterious stranger and person who I almost certainly do not know and whose question I did not look at and immediately say: “wait, you again???” Thank you for picking the most efficient way to discuss this, that is, an advice column in a national magazine instead of a 27-second voice note direct to my WhatsApp. People say print media is dead but surely this is as alive as it gets. Next we’ll be making dinner plans by carrier-pigeon.

Anyway, I’m answering this here for two reasons: 1) you submit questions every month and I worry not answering them might start to take a toll on our friendship and 2) maybe the general public would also benefit from a quick Ethics 101 of fuckboi-ery, especially as the Fringe descends and Scotland’s datable population explodes (numerically, not like… you know). Webster's Dictionary (fine, Urban Dictionary) defines fuckboi as 'An insignificant shit that comes into your life, ruins it, and leaves' (lmao), and it’s true that over the years fuckbois have got a bad rep! They lie to you! They use you! They’re only interested in sex!

The thing is though, only two out of those three things are ethically wrong. And the very gendering of the fuckboi figure is maybe part of the problem: we’ve spent so long thinking that men only want sex – and that’s bad – and women want sex and feelings – and that’s good. But the thing is, neither of those are inherently true, and maybe we need to stop conflating no-strings sex as some kind of emotional neglect, and healthy sex as some kind of gender essentialist rom-com starring Freddie Prinze Jr. How do you be a fuckboi respectfully? You communicate your desires from the start, you gently don’t let those boundaries get overridden, and you shed whatever latent Catholic guilt we all carry (sorry but we didn’t dissolve the monasteries for nothing!) for finding sex purely enjoyable. You owe people clarity, kindness, and mutual consent. You don’t owe them anything else.

Ask Anahit here!