Ask Anahit: 365 Party Girl

What do you recommend for someone who wants to embrace a real party girl social life but whose closest pals are all quite reserved/in long-term relationships? I want to be on a joint mission of drunk flirting but they are feeling more like wholesome catch-up drinks lol.

I DON'T KNOW BUT IT'S SO ANNOYING ISN'T IT. I too share this urge and at best I feel like Mephistopheles trying to lead my friends into a life of sin (sexy!), and at worst like one of those sad rom-com heroes with a Peter Pan complex who comes to see the error of their ways (not sexy!). Trying to live that party girl life with friends who are not up for it can feel so alienating; there’s this sense that they are somehow living their life 'correctly', with all the requisite maturity that the mainstream life narrative promises, and you are living your life 'incorrectly', trying to – God forbid – 'have fun'.

I think it’s quite telling that my obligatory existential crisis when I turned 30 wasn’t about ageing per se, but about ageing out of my lifestyle, which simply does not reflect that of most of my peers. Sure age is just a number, blah blah blah, but we are ultimately formed by our social contexts and it’s kind of alarming when your social context stops matching the material conditions of your life. If you’re single (I assume you might be?) and you can’t live the glamorous single life, then truly what is the point. I have spent a lot of time crocheting this winter, and with each sweater vest it becomes increasingly difficult not to envision a future as one of Jane Austen’s more tragic supporting characters.

To be brutally honest, I think the solution might be to find new friends. No harm to your old ones! You don’t have to dump them! But maybe it’s about accepting people as they are, meeting them where they’re at, and knowing your own desires enough to follow them elsewhere. Volunteer at your local community radio station! This may be the most concrete piece of advice I’ve ever given but I really think it might work. It sounds like you want a different kind of life. You should go out and get it.