Trailer Trash #2: New Year's Eve
Garry Marshall, the patron saint of chick flicks, brings the world another candy coated fairytale about love with a cast made up of Hollywood's shiniest – and Robert De Niro. It's enough to make our trailer reviewer puke on his Rudolf jumper
New Year's Eve is to rom-com-nuts what the internet is to paedophiles; a necessary evil that keeps these twisted individuals away from society's most vulnerable. Ashton Kutcher, Sarah Jessica Parker, Katherine Heigl, Ludacris, Jon Bon Jovi, Zac Efron, Jessica Biel: the endless A-List names (the 'A' stands for 'Ass-cyclists') read like a list of 'actors' most of us would probably like to punch in the face.* Well, form an orderly queue folks.
"Some people swear there's no beauty left in the world, no magic." Who? Who says that? And more importantly, why are you listening to their advice? "Then how do you explain the entire world coming together on one night?" What? The last time I checked the Chinese, for one, celebrated New Year on a different date. Am I wrong? Have I missed something here or has the narrator just blanked a fifth of the entire population of the planet?
Also, you'd have to be a complete automaton not to realise this is just a re-working of Love, Actually, Valentine's Day and the like. Yes, Love, Actually grew on people, in the way violent, rapey captors grow on their hostages, but is there really any need for more Stockholm Syndrome movies? The worrying thing is that somewhere in Hollywoodland there's an infinite number of retarded monkeys randomly bashing this stuff out. Speaking of retarded monkeys, sounds like they did the soundtrack too. Although, that could have been a different team. It's so hard to tell these days, there's just so many.
And finally, wee Bobby De Niro chips in with, "Nothing beats New York on New Year's Eve." Nothing eh? I bet the cheque you received for appearing in this visual fisting betters it Bobby.