The Return

I'll get straight to the point: The Return is a snooze-fest of epic proportions, and probably the longest eighty minute film you'll ever see. Gellar plays a successful travelling sales rep who hasn't been home to Texas in years following a bad experience as a young girl. When she does finally return on business, she's troubled by visions of a town she's never been to and a man she's never met. Heading there, she's helped by a guy with a mysterious past (O'Brien), but her hallucinations are only getting worse and she could be in danger. I'm all for a bit of deliberate pacing in my horror films (helps with the atmos', lets the tension build, that kind of thing) but this is just taking the piss. The Return is lifeless and pointless and the actors appear catatonic, while Kapadia limits his direction to occasionally having the orchestra blare out to make sure your snoring doesn't disturb those who've managed to make it through without drooling on themselves. [Paul Greenwood]