Aquamarine

A light-hearted comedy aimed at American teen girls into shopping, cute lifeguards, and dolphins, this film creeped me right out. Two best friends discover they are to be separated as one's mother must move to Australia for her marine biology work, so they naturally incant black magic to prevent this. Then the, ahem, titular mermaid arrives, promising to grant them a wish if they use their knowledge of womens' magazines and the mall to help her get her fin over the first guy she sees. Watching these manipulative little madams preening on screen is bad enough, until you start recognising Aussie actors (for me it was 'Mad Max's Bruce Spence) and realise everyone's already in Australia, and this whole film is a cynical immigration tool where presumably the moral is 'If they're really your friends, they'll swim.' Nauseating. [Alec McLeod]