The T Diaries: Dananananaykroyd

So...

It's probably safe to say that most Scottish bands would generally be really chuffed to get the chance to play T in the Park, right? Well we DID. It was RAD.

We began the day by meeting at Duncan's palatial lodgings before piling into our tour van. It was a FULL HOUSE (van) what with the six of us, our egos, our tour manager and three of our nearest and dearest. An hour long journey in the rain complete with the usual mix of farts and yelling did not exactly create a festival atmosphere. Heck, only one of us had actually brought a pair of wellies.

Anyway, this was our first T in the Park and we were going to bloody well enjoy it even if it meant we couldn't get backstage or park our van at our stage or anything like that. Grumpy? US?! Fortunately this period of slight-underwhelment (is that a word?) lasted for about ten seconds as our tour manager, Scott, The Great Man returned from accreditation with BACKSTAGE PASSES. Yes! We're going up in the world, guys. Heck, we could even park our van in the main complex, so we did the honourable thing and parked right in front of Lily Allen's dressing room door, locking her in and thus doing everyone a favour. You're welcome! (This may not have actually happened.)

So what a pleasant surprise getting backstage. We were virtually resigned to having to slum it out in the main site, possibly hiding in a portaloo until stagetime, but we got BACKSTAGE. We got to play TABLE FOOTBALL (I beat everyone. Again.) and we saw that guy Reggie Yates just hanging. By a big crate. Word.

Backstage at T in the Park is actually pretty swell. The sun started to shine so everyone gradually begins to drift out of their portakabins, enjoy a kickabout next to the toilets, get a free haircut from the nice people from that chain of salons I can't remember the name of, maybe get pwned at table football.

There is a DEFINITE hierarchy though... bands like us are well and truly at the bottom, wide-eyed, open-mouthed and observing virtually EVERYTHING. You'll maybe see bands like TV on the Radio or Mogwai or Regina Spektor or folk like that milling about, but you'll NEVER set eyes on Blur or Pet Shop Boys. I think they get to hang out in a castle up the road or something.

Playing festivals means doing a ton of press so we spent an hour or two talking to the BBC and the NME and whoever else wanted some verbal gold. Everyone in this band can be a bit 'rent-a-quote' so doing interviews is usually good fun.

So that was all fine. We tried to see some bands but failed, simply because Sunday's lineup wasn't really to our tastes (honestly what are Pendulum actually FOR?) so we enjoyed the free beer and when our stomachs began to rumble, headed over to CATERING. Rather than bore you with intimate descriptions of what we ate, I'll just say CATERING AT T IN THE PARK WAS AMAZING. Better still, we inadvertently ate dinner with Glenn Tilbrook from Squeeze who was a thoroughly cool chap.

Right, onto the actual performance, OUR RAISON D'ETRE. We headlined the BBC Introducing stage which resembled a shark's mouth/clam shell. Having seen sparse crowds for most of the other bands playing our stage earlier that day, it was a real relief to see a very healthy turnout for our daft show. We only had 25 minutes to assault the audience, but it was just enough. Everyone in the crowd got right into it from the off so we knew we were in for a good show. It was, in fact, a great show. Loads of hats in the audience. What is it with hats? Anyway, the crowd was brilliant, we really fed off it and were delighted at the hugely fun and hug-tastic Wall of Cuddles. Thanks guys!

We then fell offstage, sweaty and out of breath before doing a really silly interview with BBC Alba culminating in us shouting 'post office!' at the camera in Gaelic.

A quick dip into the King Tut's tent to see a couple of Mogwai songs and we were back in the van, farting and yelling all the way back to Glasgow.

Oh yeah, we were on the telly! That was cool.

So...things we learned from playing T in the Park:

Hats

Some Mutants

BBC

Triumph Over Adversity

Radical Pop Party

THANKS T IN THE PARK.

I've got a wee dug called Snoopy.