Festival Camping for Beginners

Accidentally spending £500 on beer and sleeping in an insect-infested tent are just two of the perils of festival camping. Never fear: here are some top tips on how to prepare – and what to take – to ensure you return home victorious

Feature | 06 Aug 2015

"Where are all these ants coming from..?"

The perils of festival camping are many and varied. If only there was an instruction manual, a Dummies' Guide that highlighted those weekend-ruining, life-threatening pitfalls so that the festival idyll could somehow – despite the best efforts of the British Summer and the nation's well-documented camping inadequacies – become a reality.

The tickets don’t mention the inherent risk, the pain, the potential for utter disaster. There's no small-print caveat drawing your attention to the possibility of your weekend being ruined by food poisoning, sunburn, noisy neighbours, or – yes – waking up in the chilly half-light of a Reading dawn to find the irritated inhabitants of that ants' nest you plonked your groundsheet on finding their way into your sleeping bag.

It all starts with the adverts. Those full-page promises of musical Shangri-La. It's like the graphics department's brief was little more than to make it look leafy and warm, a carnival both pastoral and bucolic. Those images of Glastonbury revellers/victims desperately trying to hold on to their tents as they float away in a muddy torrent? Forget them. If need be, employ Derren Brown to erase them from your mind.

But fear not. The horrors, they can be swerved. With careful preparation, and an understanding that Britain's mini monsoons can at least be planned for if not defeated, the festival experience can be a blast. Here's our top tip: take stuff.

Like, loads of stuff. You will need it.

Gone are the days of a festival being little more than three quick, grit-your-teeth nights away. As festivals have increased in number, they appear to have doubled in length. With most offering – at the very least – Thursday night 'warm up' entertainment, it pays to be prepared. Certainly, general consensus re: Glastonbury these days is that, to guarantee a decent spot in your field of choice (Quiet Camping? Sleep Is for Losers Camping? Vegans-only Camping?) and to ensure you’re in position for Thom Yorke and Fuse ODG's rumoured Afrobeat reworking of OK Computer on the Wednesday night, setting out a good fortnight in advance is the way to go.

Take waterproofs more suited to an expedition to the Amazon basin, and fill that boot with food and drink. Sure, festival food options these days extend some way beyond a line of burger vans but, sadly, 'eating out' all weekend is an option open only to those with a private income. That oh-so-good smelling Vietnamese Cao lầu? Have a tenner ready. And low hopes for your change. Same with booze. Many events provide virtual mini beer festivals but good luck finding a pint of anything for less than a fiver. So make sure that when you retreat to your tent at night, you’re well stocked with both your own drinks and an appropriate store of snacks. For the former, take cans (light, crushable), not bottles, and for the latter, keep it simple – if it needs cooking or heating, forget it. And, it goes without saying of course, recycle like a good 'un.

And so to the tent. Take one, definitely. If it's of the traditional variety, do find time for a trial run before you set off. Tents, despite our good intentions, spend more time in the loft than in actual use, so do all you can to avoid shameful head-scratching in front of your fellow campers upon arrival. Make sure everything is there; the embarrassment of arriving without pegs, and having to scrape together sticks and pens as makeshift replacements, is an experience genuinely difficult to shake off.

That said, you could always make life easy for yourself and take advantage of the festival packages offered by many retailers nowadays. The pop-up tent may be scoffed at by camping purists but it's a quick and affordable option. Throw in a cheap, rigid camp bed (avoid the blow-up type like the plague) and chair, both available for the price of a couple of (festival) pints, and you’re laughing.

But wait, we hear you cry: what if you don't have access to a car, or are fed up of lugging equipment on a hundred-mile train journey? Well, better still than taking loads of gear to a festival is... not taking any at all! We know, we know; that goes against the grain of everything we've just said. But with Halfords' Click & Collect service you can pre-order all your festival kit online and collect it on site. If you're going to Bestival, Bloodstock or V Festival, simply print out your receipt and take it to the Halfords Collection Point, where you'll be given everything you've chosen, whether that's tents and cook sets, gazebos or tables.

Failsafe, right? Just make sure to avoid those ants' nests. Emptying your sleeping bag of the little blighters is a task guaranteed to take years off even the hardiest soul.

- In association with Halfords