Mickey Dwyer's Festival Fumble - SKINNYFEST 1

Here are couple of tips to help you get the most from your Festival. Go
on an underground city tour and hoax-spook the tourists. There is no
middle ground to spooking; either opt for a subtle presence, for those
who want to cause a left-brain jolt and goose-bumps, or go all the way
and try outlandish shrieks accompanied by bodily convulsions, finally
recoiling to the foetal position. You need to earn those tears. Put in
the extra 10% and you can send that unsuspecting dance troupe back to
Wisconsin with a lifetime of nightmares.

If you really want to make the most of your evening, and ruin someone
else's, you are best to work in a group. A 'terrified' third party will
confirm and amplify paranoia, especially if you can combine it with a
broad and fear-enhancing Scottish accent. "Dear Christ tacita did u feel
that?"

I also recommend you go to the Quarter Gill, on South Clerk Street. A
pub that opens at 5am, it is a functioning alternative to the Penny
Black. As an establishment it represents the clash between hardcore
Scottish morning-drinkers with tireless Festival types. I'll assume
which category my readers fall into and offer these words of advice:
"Don't tell them what year it is and you will be safe."