Frequent Flier

London was 28 degrees and sunny yesterday. The BBC weather forecast states that a ‘northwest-southeast’ divide exists, due to an Azores High wrestling with an Atlantic Low for control over the UK’s weather. It now appears depressingly obvious is that the two powers seem to have reached an agreement and guess who gets to keep Scotland.

The rain stopped yesterday but it wasn’t not the weather improving, it was the Clouds reloading as part of a shaky ceasefire brokered by humanitarian organisations to let civilians get provisions and bring in their washing. However if there is any provocation such as someone having the sheer hubris to enjoy a drink outdoors, or eat an ice-cream; the Clouds will punish Edinburgh with an Israeli level of disproportionate response

These ceasefires, have largely coincided with the time that I spend outside the Gilded Balloon handing out fliers trying to get people to come to my show. As the weeks have progressed I’ve met hundreds of people and persuaded many to spend an hour with me in a dark, sweaty room while l pour out my heart to them, some have later come to my show also.

By this stage you will doubtless be fatigued by the constant barrage of fliers that force their way onto your person, whether thrust into your hand or sneakily slipped into your pocket – you may even have found one nestling in the all-the-baby-stuff-you–need-to-bring section of your child’s pram (guilty, your honour).

After two weeks flyering I can now differentiate between festival veteran and festival naïf. Veterans have a standard response to all offers –“I don’t take fliers for environmental reasons” or “I’m booked up tonight and then leaving for Mozambique”, or “Fuck Off”.

Newcomers haven’t formulated a response yet and when presented with a flier will often panic as they search in their mind for an alibi for the time of your show. “We’re doing something at that time aren’t we Barry [Barry] Are we? [Her] Yes remember, we were doing that thing in the other place. [Barry] Yes that’s right, that other thing in that other place.”

At this point I will sometimes ask for some evidence of the other thing in the other place and it’s only when they are rooting in their handbag that I will put them out of their misery and say that I can’t go to my show either as I’ve to be up early for a flight to Mozambique.