Fighting Talk

Miles Johnson goes four rounds with former Socialist leader turned chatshow champ, Tommy Sheridan

Feature by Miles Johnson | 12 Aug 2007

You may not know it yet, but in the unassuming arena of the Fringe two sides of the political spectrum are squaring up to each other mano-a-mano. In the blue corner we have Neil Hamilton, disgraced former Tory MP and reigning Fringe chat show champ, careering around town in a pink pullover, his motor mouthed wife Christine never far behind. But now there’s a plucky new kid in town. Sat in the (very) red corner, his orange complexion clashing awkwardly, is the challenger, Tommy Sheridan; left wing firebrand, sunbed enthusiast and the man gunning for the Hamilton’s Fringe chat show crown.

It was only last year he was on the court house steps having successfully sued the News of the World over allegations that he – the one time leader of the Scottish Socialist Party – regularly attended swingers clubs. Then came the charity boxing match where he was landed with a bulging black shiner, the Daily Record running with the taunting headline "Tommy gets one in the eye." But Sheridan is not a man to let a sucker punch keep him down. After the legal wrangling, the political turmoil and the wounded pride, Scotland's loudest socialist is back swinging, albeit with no whips, pink fluffy handcuffs or cheap champagne in sight.

Having heard of his love for the pugilistic arts, Fest decided to meet Sheridan in a nearby gym for a brief bout of verbal sparring. Round by round, blow by blow, he gave us the low down on being a fighter, a lover and how Jonathan Ross should get Hugo Chavez on his show.

Round One - Health and Beauty:

Sheridan is a man who takes his looks very seriously. Whether it be flashing a bit of his famously bushy chest, sitting for hours in a sunbed or training hard in the gym. If you are going to be a socialist firebrand your appearance is, apparently, of the highest priority. All things considered, Fest decides to open the encounter with a brief exchange on the finer points of looking your best as you fight the good fight against global capitalism.

"I like to keep myself looking sexy," says Sheridan, reclining in his chair in the University of Edinburgh gym. "I use the tanning salon once or twice a week but its important to keep healthy too. People shouldn't use it any more than once or twice a week, and if they have fair skin or freckles they shouldn't use it at all. I'm 43 now and I've been using them since I was 17, so it's been quite a long time." But while often berated as a 'sunbed socialist', Sheridan strangely sees his love of artificial UV rays as just one more victory in his lifelong engagement in class warfare. "I used to be a health instructor during the four years of my degree and one of the perks back in those days was getting a free sunbed. Back then it was a middle class domain to use sunbeds, they monopolised them. Now it's become common, but I still use them.”

Round Two – The Tabloids:

As anyone who has heard of Sheridan will know, he has a less than cordial relationship with the Red Tops. Having described his victory over the News International papers as being like "Gretna beating Real Madrid in the Bernabau on penalties," his hatred for the tabloids hasn't faded one bit in the months since successfully sueing the News of the World for around £200,000. In fact, it seems to have got worse.

"If I could box anyone in the world it would have to be the editors of the News of the World and The Sun," he says, his eyes lighting up with glee as he lays into a nearby punch bag. "I would knock them senseless at the same time, maybe give them three rounds each. As BA Baracus famously said in Rocky, my prediction would be pain.” But far from stopping at what Mr Baracus might call “a plain ol’ ass whuppin,” his hatred for the tabloid press, however, extends into slightly more violent territory. “If it was on the news that five News of the World journalists had been shot dead in their offices, the police would have called it a massacre. I call that a start. Not all tabloid journalists are soulless scumbags, it’s just 98% that give the rest a bad name."

Round Three - The Trial:

"The trial was obviously very tough on my wife and me," he says. "But when the going gets tough the tough get going and things like that will bring you closer together. I have to say that if my accusers had suggested I had had very average sex, didn't last very long and afterwards I wanted to watch the football, then my wife would have probably believed them not me. But the idea having of five women in a night, wearing stockings, being walked over in high heels, using handcuffs and being whipped, well, lets just say that might have led my wife to suspect I may have been telling the truth."

Round Four – The Fringe:

Amidst all this fighting talk of sunbeds and massacring tabloid hacks, it's easy to forget that Sheridan is in fact here to promote his chat show. Like his countryman George Galloway, his quickfire tongue, honed on the debating floors of the Scottish left, seems more than suited to dealing with any unruly guests or hecklers that might come his way.

"You have to remember I had a sell-out show last year at the Fringe, it was just at the court in session not a venue," he says. "I just wanted to do my chat show in Edinburgh because I like talking to people. Some are from the political left, but many are from other backgrounds. But my show is also light hearted. I'm not afraid to poke a bit of fun at myself and I hope that comes across." All well and good of course, but how does he feel he shapes up to the top dogs of British light entertainment? "I do get angry about some of the chat shows we have on mainstream television and radio. I mean if Jonathan Ross was receiving £50,000 a year for his job I would nae bother my arse to comment, but he gets millions and that is a blatant misuse of public money. I feel there should be more opportunity for left wing figures to be on that show. Who? Oh, maybe Tony Benn, or Hugo Chavez might be good."

So, in four quick fire rounds we have the world according to Sheridan. Some may love him, some may hate him but, as he rips his way through the decadent and corrupt of Scottish politics you are forced to admit that he is, at the very least, a gentleman. And, as Fringe audiences will continue to see throughout this August, he could probably hang Jeremy Kyle out to dry with one hand tied behind his back. Neil and Christine Hamilton, you have been warned.