Heath Franklin's Chopper: A Hard Bastard's Guide To Life

So then, tell us about your show?
I don't want to overburden people's expectations of the show with unnecessary hyperbole or by claiming it is something it isn't. It's simply the single greatest piece of art that man has known featuring the most dynamic, surprising, engaging and eventually handsome protagonist since Jesus. It's about everything, yet it's about nothing. It takes a billion questions, cried softly at night to no one, and answers them with a single universal truth: some people are just fucked.

How have your previews been going?
Really good, they've been a lot of fun. But they didn't take 24 hours to get to on a plane.

How are you going to keep it fresh for the full three weeks?
I am going to give myself blunt force trauma amnesia before every show, so I will be discovering it all over again with childlike glee every night.

Is it ultimately worth coming to the Fringe?
Honestly? Like really honestly, no messing around, no half truths? Probably not.

Do you have a guaranteed, surefire flyering technique?
The reverse psychology flyer. As someone approaches you make a point of looking them up and down, judging them as 'not worthy' then obviously retracting the flyer as they near you. Its the flyering equivalent of breaking up with someone because you think they are going to dump you.

What's your health regime for the Fringe?
I think giving a damn about my health at all will put me ahead of most people there. Except those fitness freaks that climb Arthur's seat before a yoghurt and psyllum husk breakfast.

What's the worst mistake people make at the Fringe?
Confusing a hand gun with a hair dryer. That's not even specific to the Fringe.

Last year's Fringe was all about the London riots. What major news event do you think will force you to hurriedly rewrite your 2012 show?
Well, in Australia we have a story every six months about a dog attacking a baby, amateur sailors being rescued from their wreckage or a Russian airshow disaster, so I've preempted their topicality.

Do you pay your taxes?
Yes. But I also pay for hospitals, roads, education and public transport. I believe financial types call that 'being fucked twice'.

What was your favourite joke when you were a kid?
What's grey? A melted penguin.

Who else are you hoping to see while you're in Edinburgh?
A Tim Burton film that doesn't have Johnny Depp in it.