Danielle Ward: Speakeasy / Playdead

So then, tell us about your show?

The stand up show is about the impact a misogynist physics teacher had on me and how I ended up doing a load of rubbish jobs before I hit 24. There's also a bit of politics and some saucy stuff.

The play is four scary short stories and possibly a song. It is actually quite scary! I have an excellent lighting designer. 

How have your previews been going?

Mainly ace - much better than previous years. I had to cancel one last night though because the person coming to collect my puppy off me got stuck in traffic and I had nowhere to put him. He'd already eaten a table leg during Bridget Christie's show and he was getting restless. It was a free gig with a tiny audience so they were very understanding, and I did offer to buy them all booze...

How are you going to keep it fresh for the full three weeks?

By changing shows each night and crying every day.

Do you have a guaranteed, surefire flyering technique?

Get someone else to do it! I'm a terribly flyerer - just look at my grumpy face. That said, you get a free gin and tonic if you come and see Speakeasy. And all tickets are under £10, so I hope that helps. This year is all about bribing people with alcohol. 

What’s your health regime for the Fringe?

Don't eat sausage supper every night. I'm really into hot yoga so I've bought a month pass to a place near the Pleasance. And I'll be walking to my tiny (but not shared) flat every day. 

What’s the worst mistake people make at the Fringe?

Thinking it’s going to change your life.

Last year's Fringe was all about the London riots. What major news event do you think will force you to hurriedly rewrite your 2012 show?

I ain't re-writing the play unless someone actually comes back from the dead. It’ll probably be some Olympic thing. I'm using my day off to go to the Greco-roman wrestling, so I might have to add a bit about that. 

Do you pay your taxes?

I try, but they keep giving them back.

What was your favourite joke as a kid?

Q: How do you get a clown of a swing?

A: Hit him in the face with an axe.

What made you decide to alternate between shows each day?

Most people only go to the Fringe for a few days so if anyone wanted to see both shows, they can. Also, I think it’ll be better for my sanity than doing the same thing every single night.

What are your thoughts on the old ‘women aren’t funny’ myth – are times a-changing?

Totally agree with it. Women are shit. Lock them all up I say - I only put the talentless idiots in my shows because I feel sorry for them. There is sexism in all industries, and for some reason comedy is the favourite one to talk about at the moment. I'm sure plenty of excellent female police officers/pilots/lawyers are just as screwed over. They just don't have the pleasure of having it done to them on telly. 

How does it feel to be the writer of the world’s greatest Ryan Gosling joke?

Marvellous.

Who else are you hoping to see while you’re in Edinburgh?

Sarah Kendall, Sara Pascoe, Holly Burn, Josie Long, Susan Calman, Lucy Porter, Bridget Christie, and Rhys Darby.