Sean Morley: Comedy Spotlight
He's brought one of the UK's biggest comedy awards to a standstill and aspires to become a swamp-dwelling environmental activist. Meet Sheffield's dad-fighting comedian
Citing his inspirations as Japanese fashion model and singer Kyary Pamyu Pamyu and Jason Manford’s younger brother Colin, it can be hard to know where exactly to place Sean Morley.
He recently barged his way into the semi-final of the prestigious BBC New Comedy Award by telling the audience to stop ‘laugh heckling’, eventually shutting the whole gig down because it wasn’t quite going how he’d like. He's also on a one-man mission to become a millionaire by endlessly trading up, taking in handmade puppets, Titanic laserdiscs and some vodka jams along the way.
File under unfileable.
First gig:
"My first ‘proper gig’ was one of Michael Bottomley’s 'ding ding, stop that now' shows at the Blessington Carriage in Derby. I had devised a loose five minutes on the ambiguity of the phrase ‘fly tipping.’
"'But you see,' I say – one hand on the microphone stand, smiling shyly at the floor – 'flies can’t be tipped, can they? They HAVE WINGS!'
"Cards up, sent packing – that poor naïve boy."
Best gig:
"The first gig that comes to mind was when I did A Man Walks into a Bar in Bristol about a year ago. It was around the time that my act, as it currently stands, was still kind of a new idea and I hadn’t fully committed to it.
"I was booked to headline, and the only ‘material’ I did came at the very end as I hung off a balustrade, next to a barricade I created by the toilets, and told a long mournful story about my grandmother, cheese and the Trojan Horse conspiracy in the West Midlands schooling system. A great gig and something blossomed deep inside my heart."
Worst gig:
"Seriously? OK, sure.
I have a horrid memory of something intimidating and disastrous in Liverpool during my earliest gigging memories. It was a reasonably large venue, thrust staging and packed with people with Groupon discount tickets. The MC threatened one of the audience members with sexual assault in front of her family, and said that anyone who used the toilets during the interval was gay.
I wandered on and started talking about flies, and tipping – and was suitably crucified. I had a sentence that ended with '[something or other] is dead' – and a voice from the crowd went 'so are you mate.'
Raucous laughter, applause, a second wave of each. They loved this heckler, and were unified in hating me. I brought the room together like no one else on the night did, and yet I lost the competition to someone doing Madeleine McCann jokes – at this point Madeleine McCann had been gone for five years."
Favourite venue:
"The back room of the New Oxford in Salford – it’s a room you need to enter in order to access the female toilets, so you’re guaranteed a captive audience of women with full bladders. Luckily for me, that is my key demographic."
Best heckle you’ve heard and the best put-down you’ve heard (it can be one of your own if you want):
"SCENE 1. INT. COMEDY CLUB.
HECKLER: Get off, you’re shit.
COMEDIAN (stuttering, nervous, apologetic): I’m… I’m really sorry.
Comedian shuts off microphone. Technician shuts off PA system. Lights shut down one by one, each bulb blinking out in turn. Doors are sealed, deadlocks slide into place. Everyone pulls their bags and coats closer towards them and prepares for a difficult night."
Aspirations:
"Universal acclaim (Please place a thumbs up, and a clock emoji here, as though to say 'Come on guys' but also 'Time’s ticking here, so let’s not mess around)."
What would you be doing if you weren’t doing stand up?
"Have you ever heard of Swamp Thing? I would love to transition into something akin to that."
If you could be haunted by anyone, who would it be and why?
"Rosa Parks. She’s only been dead ten years, wouldn’t be hard to get her up to speed."
If you were on death row, what would your last meal be? And why are you on death row?
"Full Pardon Sandwich and Big Murder, respectively."
What’s the largest animal you think you could beat in a fight? No weapons.
"My dad! If he’d just put down his weapons for a moment and actually show me some RESPECT."
Question from past Spotlighter Will Duggan: What use are comedians to the wider society?
"We dull the senses, we are an opiate forestalling the revolution – we are a cog of the 'Everything’s OK' brigade laughing with our friends while people die cold and penniless in the street."
Comedy Spotlights from the Archive:
Sean Morley plays Top Joe's Regular Gig at The Well Space, Roscoe Street, Liverpool, 14 Nov, 7.30pm
Follow his misadventures on Twitter: @SeanMorleyBrand or at youtube.com/seancomedymorley