Interview with the Vampire: Fred Fletch v Dracula

Of all the wonders at this year's Magic Festival, one thing we didn't anticipate was Dracula. Rafael is a magician taking on the famous Count's duties at the closing gala, but we knew he was a true vampire when he agreed to an interview with Fred Fletch

Feature by FRED FLETCH | 08 Jun 2015

During my time with The Skinny, I've interviewed some of our planet's most exciting porn stars, ninjas and knightriders. However, this is the first time I've had the opportunity to talk to a Dracula. Not just any Dracula, a Belgian warlock who goes by the name Rafael. Now that's like giving Frankenstein a jet-pack or putting Wolfman on the moon.

Fred Fletch: You're only coming to Edinburgh for the finale of the Magic Festival. Do you have secret sinister reasons for only swooping in at the end? I bet it is sinister.

Rafael: It's not wise to scare people away in the beginning of the festival so it's best to make my appearance for the grand finale of the Magic Festival. Also this way I can enjoy the rest of this wonderful festival incognito without people knowing that there is a vampire amongst them.

I knew it was sinister. Being a magician is the quickest way to get your father to demand a paternity test. What did your parents say when it became clear you were a vampire?

My parents met on fangsgiving while on holiday in Transylvania so they were not surprised.

Obviously you've got the kind of balls that look good in a cape. But is there ever a time to dress up like everyone's Grandma like Gary Oldman?

Like Gary Oldman, I love to play different characters but I hope to have less divorces than him.

Why were you not cast as Commissioner Gordon in Christopher Nolan's Batman films?

I'm not sure why... maybe they thought I am demanding as I don't like sunlights and only like to work after midnight. Also, I look terrible with a moustache.

When I was young, vampires were the toughest, sexiest anythings ever. Then the 2000s arrived and vampires started to look as scary as the bloke in Twilight who looks like Ted Danson from Cheers. Do you think vampires are forever doomed to be like that Hufflepuff or can they ever recover their reputation for being badass?

Hollywood now make us look like glampires but I'm sure we will recover soon.

In the old days I guess you'd spend long periods of time searching out a maiden's neck to suck on like it's a Capri-Sun. Nowadays, according to my inbox, there are literally hundreds of hot single ladies in my area. For a vampire, has the internet taken the joy out of the chase?

Real vampires still like the old fashion way because we discovered that on the internet people lie about their virginity and are not honest about their blood type.

Since vampires live for centuries, does stuff like the internet blow your mind? For all our modern conveniences (like microwaves, desensitisation condoms and yoghurts on sticks) do you ever miss impaling people with impunity like Vlad in the fifteenth century?

I miss the old days but now it's easy to go online and find a bloodbank nearby wherever I am, which is very convenient.

I've seen enough Teen Wolf to know that it's a scientific fact that werewolves could play basketball at a professional level (this could be a racial stereotype). Are Belgian vampires skilled in any particular sport to the awesome levels of the werewolf species?

Belgian vampires are specialised in making beer disappear and we like to practise this skill often.

Was Enzo Scifo also a Belgian Dracula and is this how he acquired his footballing superpowers?

He's actually a devil so he blends in perfectly with Belgium's football team de rode duivels (red devils).

Have you seen the 1983 movie Krull? (If yes, can you put me in touch with Ken Marshall?)

I haven't seen that movie but I will organise a movie night soon with some popcorn and a bloody mary.

If this copy of The Daily Impale I'm reading is true, the European Union encourages thousands of vampires to invade our country and steal all our blood. What are your feelings on being part of the Union?

Like with everything there are pros and cons being a union. I think as long as you can drive on the other side of the road unlike the other European countries you have nothing to worry about. BTW there are already a lot of vampires in your country but they prefer to call themselves politicians.

You're going to bite me now aren't you? 

Of course! Soon you will discover it sucks to be a vampire.


More from The Skinny:


Get our top ten events guide in your inbox every week – sign up to the Zap!

Rafael will swoop in for the closing Magic and Variety Gala Show, Festival Theatre, 4 Jul, 7pm, £16-32 http://magicfest.co.uk