The Dullest Blog: comedy ramblings to inspire the most tedious minute of your week

I was asked to write this blog at short notice and was not sure if I could as I am just about to go holiday. However thanks to the power of the internet I am able to write whilst warming my bum nicely on the Caledonian Sleeper heading from Glasgow to London.

I am not so old but I recall the days when computing really only involved the following;

10 PRINT “ANDREW IS A GIT”
20 GOTO 10
RUN

And lines of insults to my big brother would shine in white on black from my Commodore 64 monitor.

My Dad instilled in me the love of new technology. As a nipper I had a Commodore Vic20 as a replacement for our 10 in 1 games console. (I use the term games loosely. 10 ways to make a square “ball” hit off a couple of lines to entertain. PONG!)

The Vic20 Christmas was a momentous affair; from Dad’s meticulous set up, to waiting 20 minutes for the tape to load with only the screeching audio accompaniment to enjoy while you wait. My brother and I waited and waited and… the screeching stopped. “Damn!” says Dad. “Rewind and start again”.

The next decade of my life was spent rapidly rewinding tapes or blowing into the Atari slot as again Pac-Man won’t load and praying for play. God often forsook my want of Rainbow Islands. Is he not a Bubble Bobble fan?

But, we’ve come a long way now and we are all caught in the Inter’s net. With speeds quicker than a Kwik Fit Fitter (apparently- but don’t sue me) we can connect with our loved ones instantly across the world at the touch of a button and the flash of a webcam. You can connect to strangers and find love with people not down the local boozer and down my local its slim pickings I’ll tell you.

Granted it may be awash with porn, and You Tube shows just how many tubes are out there with a video camera and the urge to use it but as I rage at the screen when my online spider solitaire is delayed by a nanosecond. I have to remember not to make my memory as short as me and reminisce over the old Vic20.

I thank the internet for many wonderful things in my life but most of all the man warming his bum in the seat next to me. Cheers internet (and Match.com).

10 PRINT “ANDREW IS STILL A GIT”
20 GOTO 10
RUN