The Dullest Blog: Comedy ramblings to inspire the dullest moments of your week

If there’s one thing that cities other than Edinburgh could benefit from it’s being built on the side of an extinct volcano. Birmingham’s perennial planning difficulties always sprung, I felt, from it’s absence of a solidified lava flow. Of course, Pompeii tried the volcano strategy but bungled badly when they accidentally choose an active one and red faced officials were left cringing with embarrassment as their metropolis was buried under a deluge of ash. It’s gaffes like that that really put Edinburgh’s tram fiasco in perspective.

While other cities claim to be three dimensional Edinburgh genuinely is; after visiting the Scottish capital, cities formerly thought of as three dimensional, stand revealed as two dimensional charlatans trying to punch above their weight. The unique topography afforded by Edinburgh’s extinct crater provides some abrupt changes in elevation, leading the new comer to Edinburgh to feel he is trapped in an Escher drawing. One minute you’re walking along the street on ground level, the next you’re walking along the street 100 feet above ground level.

Only an imbecile would try to navigate Edinburgh in a straight line; the seasoned professional will zigzag a path of minimum hills. So if you are coming to Edinburgh this year, remember to pack your leg muscles and leave those red and green 3D glasses at home. Edinburgh’s already three dimensional enough.

Like this blog? Catch Stephen in the flesh for free by entering The Dullest Blog competition. Stephen Carlin is performing his show ‘Blows The Lid Off The Whole Filthy Business’ at The Stand 4 @ 7.20pm. 7-30 August, (not 17).

To get you and a friend along to see the show on the day of your choice, tell us what country Pompeii is in. Email competitions@theskinny.co.uk by midnight on 9th August