The Dullest Blog: Comedy ramblings to inspire the dullest moments of your week

I am an Edinburgh Festival virgin. It is so different from the festivals from my youth. My home town’s festival is the annual Riding of the Marches which culminates next week with the crowning of the Queen. The title of queen would conjure up images of resplendent grandeur and an eminent woman fit to reign over her domain. What my town has is a 12 year old girl who wins a popularity contest wearing an ill fitting prom frock. She sits on the back of a flat bed truck in a gold painted chair waving at drunken people who are only happy to be lining the High Street because it’s the one day the pubs are allowed to be open from 6am ‘til late. It’s a day where horses shit all over street and we have a “Wicker Man” style torchlight procession. I grew up in the eighties whereby this procession was fraught with danger. One waft of a torch nearby my shell suit and I could be toast quicker than I’ve been flyered in the Royal Mile this week.

I’ve enjoyed crossing the east-west divide from Glasgow to perform in the tiniest pub in the hope of a five star review off Kate Copstick. I’ve loved jamming my way around town between cagoule-wearing Americans with cameras and performance artists who want a pound for their convincing man in a box routine. It’s loud, busy and bursting with the weird and the wonderful. It’s a microcosm of the best and worst bombardments of the senses. All that and I can buy a Nutella and banana crepe outside the Gilded Balloon whatever the hour. What more is the want of a chubby comedy midget?

Edinburgh is my Riding of the Marches on a grand scale. It’s got the same; horses, a pipe band or two, people in fancy dress with delusions of talent and drunks, lots of drunks. There’s even a queen. Look out for her. I’ll be the one with the crown on my head (stolen from Burger King) and the crepe.

See Rhona next in Universal Comedy's 'The Clinic', Tuesday 18th at 3pm at the Gilded Balloon, and gigging all around town until the end of the Fringe and beyond.