The Dullest Blog: Comedy ramblings to inspire the dullest moments of your week
When one thinks of Edinburgh the first thing that springs instantly to most minds is the story of Major Eustace Brankston, who famously foiled an attempt on his life, chasing a would-be assassin from his chambers in Morningside by divesting himself of his nightgown, marinating his naked flesh in the solids from his thunder pot and charging at the intruder, his mighty arms held aloft, bellowing the guttural cries of a violated banshee. The assailant fled into the night, never to be heard of again and Major Brankston added another tale of heroism to his military canon.
Whilst attending The Edinburgh Festival Fringe last year - in the role of itinerant orator of amusing and informative lectures – I found myself both late for an appointment and at the opposite end of the Royal Mile to that I wished to be.
Blocked and harried on all sides by the heaving throng of street performers and purveyors of propagandas, I was about to surrender to tardiness when Brankston’s audacious triumph came to mind. Thus inspired by such remarkable gumption I removed my top coat, britches and such, right down to the altogether, whereupon I basted myself in a provident log of warm Highland fudge and ploughed into the crowd - who as one recoiled in horror, mirroring my disturbed hootings – presently arriving in good time for my appointment, albeit with crimson, streaming eyes, a stubbed toe and some fifty-odd flyers - some stuck upon me, some thrusted into various gaps about my person.
I can only hope that when marketing my own lectures this year that I possess even half their promotional skill and tenacity.
Toby Williams features in GEORGE RYEGOLD - TRAMPLE THE WEAK, HURDLE THE DEAD, 7-30 August (not Tuesdays) 22:15, Medina and Negociants