STARS - February 2007

Aries:

Your job getting you down? Leave! Now is the time for you to take some
risks. Nothing is set in stone. Apart from the fact you will die. One
day. But for now you're the master of you're own destiny! Woop!

Leo:

A dark cloud is descending this week. Put on your wellies and zip up your
anorak. Someone close to you has the painters in.

Sagittarius:

Dry your eyes.

Taurus:

Pluto is irritating Uranus this week. Buy him a bone and have a wash and
things will improve.

Virgo:

The sun is in the sky, which means this week you may have relationship
problems. If she/he said "jump" would you say "how high?" If the answer is
'yes', next time she/he asks make sure you're near a cliff edge.

Capricorn:

Life is an endless set of swings and roundabouts. Put down the cider, leave
the park and get a job.

Gemini:

Don't walk down any dark alleys this week, it may result in some unwanted
cupping action and a visit to the GUM clinic.

Libra:

When next approached by a Jehovah's Witness, which is likely this month for
Librans because of your trademark kind faces, make sure you ask for
chocolate milk - you might be surprised.

Aquarius:

This week you will embrace life with new zest and vigour. Ok it can be a bit shan sometimes but you've only got one and you shouldn't waste it being sad. Chin up.

Cancer:

Still not popular at parties? What you need is party trick! Ever inhaled a
sausage? Now's the time to start practicing 'cause this is a trick that will endear you to both sexes. Get ready to climb the social hierarchy.

Scorpio:

For the last wee while you've had an empty feeling haven't you? This is
'cause your soul's belly is empty. Your soul is hungry and it must be fed soon or you will be swallowed by despair! Nature and healthy living are your friends. For now.

Pisces:

Dont cry over spilt milk. You are not a baby. Instead grab a yellow
straw... You know the rest. Be careful though. You might choke.