Tony Law Interview

We met with comedian Tony Law for an interview:

Where do you call home?
Londinium. In the southern sector of Britain.

What's your favourite onstage experience?
Whenever a like-minded crowd just get on board. It's fantastic - like brain surfing.

What's your worst onstage experience?
Whenever they don't. This happens much less often, but really sucks. Like being an alien dropped amongst a narrow world view.

What's the best comeback to a heckle you've handed out?
I feel dirty if someone is nasty and then I come back and rip the shit out of them. Drags us both down. For me the comedy of mean is not really comedy. Anyone can be a prick.

Who are your three favourite comedians?
Stewart Lee and Sean Lock from the modern times and Steve Martin from the 70s, because they are clever, original and surprising. Not clichéd – remember I said Steve Martin in the 70s, as a stand up, not his films…

How did you get into comedy?
Insecurity bred a jackass funny side from early age. Then I've needed to be funny for affirmation ever since. Sad really.

How would you describe your style?
Farm/flight cosmotron. Gas light.

What is your most hated appliance and why?
Television. A lifetime of working it out has been futile. It shouldn't fly.

Have you any phobias?
Height. Or rather, falling from height. Very right wing people also.

Which member of the A-Team are you most like?
I never really watched it because I knew the real A-Team. They were Magyar tribesmen near the end of the first millennium.

How would you fix the world right now?
It's fucked. It would involve a kind of cull of superstition... I mean religion. Then when reason returned, figure out a way not to boil.

Whistle while you work, or sob while you masturbate?
Whistle while I masturbate.

While on the topic, how many portions of ejaculate do you think you need to salt shrivel a slug?
This is not necessary. Just use salt. Far too much energy wasted. The sea, it give us salt.

What is your most attractive feature?
My vagina.

What's your least attractive feature?
My third cock.

Lastly, what are your contingency plans for making it to gigs in the wake of an Iranian nuclear strike?
I feel confident that this is the least of our worries. The delivery system of the weapon is beyond them. I would also say that this is a regional problem. Israel no likely this.

Anyway, nature will have her revenge on us all first. We've all really fucked the planet and it's getting mad. Smile.