Seymour Mace

The freakiest thing that has happened in his life is taking acid and then going shopping in the centre of Tokyo while working over there as a clown.

Feature by Seymour Mace | 15 Jun 2006
No. of years in comedy?
Been doing stand up for five and a half years, before that I did street theatre off and on for ten years.

What's your worst onstage experience?
Definitely my third ever gig. It was at Middlesborough uni and someone made the mistake of asking me to compere. The gig was terrible, the audience was horrible and it ended up with some idiot on the stage pretending to be a bear.

How did you get into comedy? My dad got me into comedy as a kid with stuff like Hancock's Half Hour, Morecombe and Wise and Tommy Cooper.

What's the freakiest thing that has happened in your life?
Possibly taking acid and then going shopping in the centre of Tokyo when I was working over there as a clown.

What is your most hated appliance?
Mobile phones because you become dependant on them and they steal your privacy. I also hate listening to other people talking on their mobiles - I'm not interested in half of a really banal conversation.

Have you any phobias?
The darkness... not the band.

Which member of the A-Team are you most like?
Howling Mad Murdoch. I've actually been told I look like him as well.

How would you fix the world right now?
With Blu Tack.

Whistle while you work, or sob while you masturbate?
How about whistle while you masturbate?

While on the topic, how many portions of ejaculate do you think you need to salt shrivel a slug?
How old are you? Twelve?

What is your most attractive feature?
My kidneys.

What's your least attractive feature?
My black heart.

What are you up to next?
I love the mindless monotony of walking so I would like to walk from John'o'groats to Lands end.

Lastly, what are your contingency plans for making it to gigs in the wake of an Iranian nuclear strike?
I think it would be a bit of a tough crowd so I would probably just stay home.
Seymour Mace performs at the Glasgow Stand June 29 Ð July 1 and the Edinburgh Stand on Sunday July 2.