Mick Sergeant (The White Chris Rock)

I once took so many of Brian's mushrooms I could see my own mind

Feature | 16 May 2006
Where do you call home?
Newcastle upon Tyne

No. of years in comedy?

What's your favourite onstage experience?
My standing ovation at Percy Main Working Mens Club

Your worst onstage experience?
A lass once threw her blue WKD at me

What's the best heckle you've received?
When's the bingo on shitface?

The best comeback to a heckle you've handed out?
...two little ducks...

Who are your three favourite comedians?
Chris Rock, Chris Rock and Chris Rock. He's the only comedian I've seen, my mate Brian borrowed me his DVD, and he's a firebrand black American comedian and I can relate to that. You see I know what its like to take the authorities' cock in your ass, you know I'm biting society's pillow right now, the only difference between me and everyone else is that once in a while I come up for air and when I do, I am just exhaling truths!

How did you get into comedy?
I used to spend all day in the pub, moaning about my shitty life (I was made redundant ten years ago) but then one day my buddy Brian said to me, "Hey Mick, you've got to use this man, don't just sit in here all day talking truths to your ale, get out there on the comedy circuit and tell it like it is!" So I did.

How would you describe your style?
I'm a revolutionary baddass who sticks it to the man.

What's the freakiest thing that has happened in your life?
I once took so many of Brian's mushrooms I could see my own mind

What is your most hated appliance and why?
The bastard smoothie machine enjoys artexing my ceiling when it feels like it. There's not enough purchase on those bloody lids.

Which member of the A-Team are you most like?
Mr Face.

How would you fix the world right now?
For starters I'd knock that little shit who works down the swimming pool off his high chair for getting me thrown out for bombing in the little pool.

Whistle while you work, or sob while you masturbate?
I guess I'm a dwarf.

While on the topic, how many portions of ejaculate do you think you need to salt shrivel a slug?
For an average slug? Two portions. That's a rough guess.

What is your most attractive feature?
Telling truths.

What's your least attractive feature?
Bursting into tears.

Lastly, what are your contingency plans for making it to gigs in the wake of an Iranian nuclear strike?
Me and Brian have been stockpiling Ale, tatties, deep heat and shrooms at his allotment for just such an eventuality.
The White Chris Rock will be performing at the Edinburgh Stand on May 19, 20 and 23, and the Glasgow Stand on May 24.