Jake O'Kane

Where do you call home?
Belfast, Northern Ireland.

What's your favourite onstage experience?
Moments of silence when you know you have the bastards, hurriedly followed by uproarious laughter.

What's your worst onstage experience?
Moments of silence when you know you've lost the bastards, hurriedly followed by the sound of your feet leaving the stage.

What's the best heckle you've received?
On going back on for an encore someone shouted out, "Not you, the other one!"

What's the best comeback to a heckle you've handed out?
To one very, very annoying drunk.
"If your dick was as big as your mouth you wouldn't be standing with three fellas, that's for sure!"

Who are your three favourite comedians and why?
Yeah sure! Name three who I'll probably never meet again and alienate the other five hundred who will hate me from this moment on! Do you have any idea how insecure comics are? Here's the stock answer; "I couldn't name just three as there are so many I love!"

How would you describe your style?
A little bit aggressive I've been told. But then I have been comparing the only comedy club in Belfast for the last ten years. You have to be aggressive just to survive.

What's the freakiest thing that has happened in your life?
Like most men I went to sleep one night as a teenager and woke up thirty years older but no wiser.

What is your most hated appliance and why?
I detest text on mobile phones. I simply ignore them completely as it's the best way of dealing with a communication device invented for dyslexics.

Have you any phobias?
I don't like slugs. I hate slugs!

Which member of the A-Team are you most like?
I'm not like any of them! All that shooting and nobody ever got hit. They sure as hell didn't grow up in Belfast.

How many portions of ejaculate do you think you need to salt shrivel a slug?
OK, so now I'll never have sex again without thinking of slugs, thanks.

What is your most attractive feature?
My personality.

What's your least attractive feature?
My personality.

How would you fix the world right now?
Abolish religion and nationalism. And only allow politicians to serve a fixed term of say, two years, after which they'd have to go back to earning a living like the rest of us.

Lastly, what are your contingency plans for making it to gigs in the wake of an Iranian nuclear strike?
Does anybody remember all the shite about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Iranian nuclear strike? There's more chance of the Pope being asked to say mass at Ibrox!