Gary Delaney

Saw a ghost while having sex. Twice.

Feature by Lara Moloney | 16 Apr 2006

Where you are from?

No. of years in comedy?
5 1/2.

Best on stage experience?
First laugh I ever got on stage. Shame I'd already been going for about six months.

Worst on stage experience?
Dying a hideous death in front of 300 silent Germans in Berlin.

Best heckle received?
A dwarf slipping backstage one night in Edinburgh then silently appearing behind me on stage, and miming selling earrings to the audience. Really.

Best comeback to a heckle handed out?
None that are printable. They usually involve non-standard family relationships of the Cornish variety.

What's the freakiest thing that has happened in your life?
Seeing a ghost, or to be more exact seeing a flash of blue light come out
of a mirror whilst having sex. This happened twice. Very scary, especially as I don't believe in that sort of stuff, and obviously I wasn't on my own so didn't just imagine it.

What are you up to next?
My next tasks today are to buy the papers for writing today's topical material for my site, then continue work on the second script for the Ivan Brackenbury Hospital Radio podcasts (same site). Then I'm off to Southampton to shout at drunk students.

If you could take three meals to a desert island what would they be?
Very large? Ok, a proper Birmingham balti with table nan (would also double as surf board). Bangers and mash like they used to have in the final frame of cartoons. Lightly sautéed helicopter.

Who are your three favourite comedians?
Milton Jones, Jim Jeffries, Mitch Hedberg.

Who are three people you would like to have to dinner and why?
Posh Spice, Karen Carpenter and Keira Knightley, because I've got a big
tax bill to pay.

How would you fix the world right now?
Pull out of Iraq, impose sanctions on Israel, improve education worldwide
and hence kill off all religions.

What is your most hated appliance and why?
My little Renault Clio, Alyson, as I have to jump start her every morning. She is off to the car hospice in a couple of weeks. I originally named her after Alyson Hannigan, who plays Willow out of 'Buffy', as she is small, red and beautiful. And a pleasure to get inside of every day. Occasionally using the back door.

Gary Delaney appears at Glasgow Jongleurs on Fri April 7 and Sat April 8, then at The Stand in Edinburgh Fri April 28 - Sun April 30