Alun Cochrane

He'd fix the world by killing all noisy eaters

Feature by Lara Moloney | 17 Mar 2006
  • Alun Cochrane

Where are you from?
I was born in Glasgow and lived in Kilwinning and Somerset before finally settling in Yorkshire where I got my accent.

Best on stage experience?
It's hard to pin down, as comedy is nearly always a fun thing to do. With Comedy With Sad Bits getting the sad bits right was quite tricky as I was a comic and used to trying to get laughs. So getting the sad bits right still feels very exciting.

What's the best heckle you've received?
I have heard a few good heckles but they are often not very funny out of context. Quite often when I talk about food the show can degenerate into a group chat about recipes and people's favourite grub.

What's the best heckle you've handed out?
When I did my show about words a bloke shouted out, "What's wrong with marmalade that's a long word?"
And I replied, "I suppose it is if you are used to jam."
I was very pleased with myself after that show. And unintentionally we're back to food again.

What are you up to next?
I'm working on a pilot of a radio comedy show and starting to put together my show for this year's Edinburgh Festival. I am going for a bit of a departure this year so it is going to be very exciting.

Please describe your style?
My style so far has been pretty much pegged by the press as "laid-back story-teller" and I quite like that.

If you could take three different meals to a desert island what would they be?
If it is a hot island I'd eat less so maybe not a full breakfast, but that said I don't love a continental breakfast, so we'll skip to lunch and I'd go for a lamb curry. I occasionally think on my headstone it'll say, "here lies Alun, he loved lamb curry". For dinner I would probably have... I find it difficult to choose even with a menu but now the possibilities are actually endless it is impossible - indecision would obviously leave me dead on the beach.

Three people you would like to have to dinner?
I'd prefer three people with no personality and hearty appetites over anyone who is fussy or has bad table manners. I feel chewing your food loudly is a crime only solved by a violent plunging of the spoon handle into the heart of the offender. It is extreme but after that law was around for a year I think the world would be a happier place at mealtimes.

How would you fix the world right now?
By making me more decisive, and killing all noisy eaters.

What's your most hated appliance?
I don't especially have one but I do get very angry with our smoke alarm when it goes off while cooking breakfast. I know they save lives but they also ruin Saturday mornings when I suddenly get deafened.

Alun Cochrane appears at Brel in Ashton Lane on Thursday March 16 at 9pm as part of the Glasgow International Comedy Festival