The Skinny On... a Random Highland Coo from Pollok Park

We’ve been banging on all throughout this issue about why you should leave the cities and explore what’s happening across Scotland. But what if we told you you could escape the hubbub of urban life without actually venturing outwith the city’s boundaries at all? No need to pack your suitcase, hop on a coach or drive further than Shawlands. Nature-loving people of Glasgow, we give you Pollok Country Park. 

Pollok Park is properly huge and wild and windswept. It’s like someone dropped one of the less hilly corners of the Cairngorms slap bang in the middle of the Southside. It’s dotted with verdant fields and diverse woodland with the shimmering White Cart Water snaking through it. While walking its maze of tree-lined paths you’d be forgiven for thinking you were hundreds of miles from Scotland’s largest city. 

As well as teeming with nature, Pollok Park is also home to The Burrell Collection and the impressive Pollok House… and Highland coos. Lots of them. For this month's Skinny Q&A, we sent a roving reporter down to Pollok Park to chat with one of these hirsute bovines to see what makes these beautiful creatures tick.

What’s your favourite place to visit?
I love to visit the majestic Highlands, where my ancestors are from, but when I’m at home in Pollok Park I’m torn between Hay Field (because of all the hay) and Deer Field (because I like to spot the deer). 

What’s your favourite food?
I love to eat grass in the summer. It’s just so, I don’t know how to describe it… grassy. In the winter, I eat hay and straw, which I think is just old, dry grass, but it’s quite nice too.  

What’s your favourite colour?
Ginger, of course. 

Who was your hero growing up?
David Attenborough. He seems to really like animals, although I wish he would pay more attention to my fellow farmyard brethren. Yes, we might not be as exciting as the creatures living on the Serengeti or in the Amazon, but I think he should consider coming to Pollok Park to make a show about the wildlife here too.

Whose work inspires you now?
Well, as you can tell from our haircuts, me and my coo pals are pretty emo, so we’re big fans of My Chemical Romance, Paramore and Fall Out Boy. 

What three people would you invite to your dinner party and what are you cooking?
Mooohatma Gandhi, Paul MooooCartney and Mooootya from the Sugababes. Normally when I have guests round I keep it simple and just serve grass, but most of my friends have five stomachs so that works out fine. But these three don’t even have five stomachs between them. Maybe I can sneak them a panini from the Burrell Collection cafe – vegetarian of course. 

What’s your all-time favourite album?
Well, you know my favourite genre. Let’s say…  My Chemical Romance's Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge.

Who’s your all-time favourite pop act?
Mooooodonna. 

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen?
Babe: Pig in the City. It’s actually a masterpiece, but I wish it starred a coo.

What book would you take to a desert island?
I love Michel Faber's Udder the Skin.

Who’s the worst?
Alt-right poster boy Jordan Peterson. Not only because he’s awful, but because he promotes an all-steak diet. He eats my friends. 

When did you last cry?
I love watching sad moooovies like Brokeback Mooooountain and Mooooonlight. Maybe one of those.

What are you most scared of?
Climate change and cattle prods. 

When did you last vomit?
I have five stomachs, so I have a strong constitution. 

Tell us a secret?
At night, when all the humans have gone home, me and my pals sneak into The Burrell Collection to have a nosy. I recommend their current Discovering Degas exhibit, although he should have painted fewer horses and more cows.

Which celebrity could you take in a fight?
I weigh over 500kg of pure muscle. And have you seen the size of my horns? I'm pretty sure I can take all of them. But I’m a lover, not a fighter. 

If you could be reincarnated as another animal, which animal would it be?
I’d probably try and be reincarnated as a less delicious-tasting animal, and then humans would be less likely to eat me.

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You can see this Highland Coo and all its pals at Pollok Country Park all year round