Resident Advisors: A Union Canal Swan

This article is taken from the 2025 edition of The Skinny Guide to Edinburgh – a 116-page selection of some of our favourite things to do and places to go across the city. Pick up a copy at venues across Edinburgh this summer, or read it online via Issuu.

Who are you and what do you do?
I’m the Lord of the Union Canal. I like to eat the offerings the local peasants bring my way. Sometimes I like to attack cyclists who get too close to my cygnets. 

What’s been a highlight of the last 12 months for you?
There was this hilarious stooshie between an eccentric Fountainbridge bloke with an earring who was feeding me wholemeal pitta breads and a Polwarth cyclist who was passing by and insisted I preferred porridge. This all took place while a Corstorphine family looked on. Humans are strange. I thought about breaking one of their arms, but I was distracted by the delicious pitta.

What’s coming up in the future for you?
I’m looking forward to terrorising comedians who’ll be commuting to town along the canal this Fringe.

Where do you recommend people go in Edinburgh?
Well, come feed me and my cygnets, obviously. Or visit one of my swan pals around town – there’s a lovely bevy down by the Water of Leith. 

Favourite place to eat? 
Food usually rains down on me from passersby. In saying that, the comedian Sam Lake (whom I once confused for a body of water) told me the Mosque Kitchen is handy if you’re looking for a speedy dinner between Fringe shows. 

Favourite place to drink?
My preferred tipple is murky canal water, but the Roseleaf is good if I’m ever visiting that bevy of swans down in Leith. Although I prefer its former name: The Black Swan.

Favourite shop?
I think a lot of the food I’m given comes from the Margiotta in Shandon, so I'll go with that.

Why do you like living here?
The bountiful food offerings that rain down upon me, and the ample opportunities I get to break the arms of passersby.

What annoys you about living here?
All the rubbish people drop into the canal. If I step on one more rusty shopping cart, I think I’m gonna honk.

Do you have an Edinburgh festivals survival tip?
Don’t get too close to my cygnets and you’ll be fine. Also: Berocca.