5 Things You'll Need as a Student... and 5 Things You Won't

5 things you'll need for university...

The most useful thing you can take to university is a laptop. You can write your essays on it, conduct research, watch movies or completely accidentally find yourself on a porn site which you never actually meant to look up it just came up by accident.

Alcohol tolerance. Most nights you will be drinking. Days too. Possibly of the watered-down student union variety, but that’s always a good jumping off point for developing a habit that threatens your entire livelihood in years to come. It’s a rite-of-passage!

A student bank account and overdraft. Although getting into debt isn't a great idea, most student overdrafts give you around £1,500 with no interest. Yes, we know bankers are the enemy and all that but YOU NEED THE MONEY! Hopefully at some point you will be able to pay it back.

Condoms. You can get them free at most student unions. How useful they turn out to be depends on all manner of things, but they’re always handy when you need a shower cap.

Parentally bought groceries. Get your parents to buy you one of those enormous bags of pasta it’ll take four of you to carry home: they last about six months. Unfortunately, there will be some who make small bottles of shower gel do the same. Do not flatshare with these people. Just sitting on the sofa could be life threatening.

and 5 things you won't.

A cookbook. You'll probably be microwaving your culinary delights for the next four years. And anyway, you’ll concoct your own recipes at 4 in the morning after a night out. The formula for Drunk-Bean Spaghetti shall remain a mystery for now.

Pyjamas. You will most frequently fall asleep in your clothes and if you don't you will most likely fall asleep naked. Perhaps under your desk.

Coat hangers. They wont be used very often, unless you go as Captain Hook to a Hallowe’en party. Or Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark. But that one he had was like a James Bond gadget, get one of those wire ones, though you’ll only be able to use it once. This is just getting silly now, isn’t it? The coat hanger decision is in your hands: take them or don’t. Only you can choose your destiny.

Your favourite teddy. Everyone knows that it's emotional suicide to bring your favourite teddy bear to Uni.  The prevalence of alcohol, vomit and immature teenage boys during freshers week means at the very least your beloved 'Fluffy' is going to get a sick shower. Not only will he/she pong for the rest of term it also likely to add ten years on the therapy couch (for you, not the bear).

An iron. Who has time to iron? There’s drinking, dancing and fake studying to be done!