BA (LOLs): A Week in the Life of a Student Comedian

Monday

I hate Mondays. I have a three-hour lecture at 9am for a module called 'Advanced English Grammar.' Given that I didn’t take last year’s 'Foundations of English Grammar' module, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. Rather than try to catch up, I make up superheroes with phenomenally underwhelming superpowers while everyone else debates whether the subject of a sentence can also be the direct object. No gig tonight which is good because there’s a huge essay due Friday that I’ve yet to start.

Tuesday

Tuesdays are my day off. Given that this is my last day off from gigging this week I decide my time would be best spent getting this essay done, so I go to the pub with friends. I tell them about my underwhelming superheroes – in particular a new character called 'Subject or Direct Object Man.' They all laugh and I go home to work on a routine about superheroes with rubbish powers.

Wednesday

I spend all night writing my new routine and most of this afternoon’s lecture editing it. I don’t worry about not learning anything, convincing myself I’ll use the university website to read the lecture notes later. Tonight I’m doing 20 minutes at a working men’s club in Wigan, excited to be debuting my new rubbish superheroes bit.

Thursday

I am a complete idiot. It seems 80 pissed-up working-class men aren’t too enthusiastic about superheroes with awful powers. I rip up my notes. With another gig tonight including a four-hour round trip, I decide the need to finish my essay is outweighed by my need for money.

Friday

My promise of an early start on the essay is broken as I opt for a nice lie in. On the way to the lecture I decide to tell my tutor that I’ve been unable to finish the essay because someone’s died. I get an extra weekend and practically dance out of the lecture feeling untouchable.

Tonight’s gig is a short 'try-out' spot for one of the biggest bookers in the country. I have a fantastic gig and convince myself I’ve mastered the delicate plate-spinning of comedy and student life.

Monday

A weekend of procrastination and backslapping follows and such is the cloud of smoke billowing up my own backside I forget all about the essay again. I spend the 'Advanced Grammar' lecture weighing up the believability of someone else's dying over the weekend. This time the tutor doesn’t buy it. My head sinks to the ground, and I see the floor around me is covered in broken plates.