Lewd Awakenings: The A Word (A Novice Gives Anal Sex a Try)

I'm 28, single and after a recent, toe-curling one night stand I came to a realisation: I've been having really terrible sex for the past 12 years. I've had two serious relationships and a few flings, but after meeting George (I think that was his name, though could have been Gary) I finally understood what all the fuss was about. I finally understood why people get addicted to sex.

So now I have a taste for the good stuff, I'm wondering what else I've overlooked. Having genuinely believed in the past that you could only have truly fulfilling sex with someone you loved, I'm now thinking that's a load of old shite. So I'm going to be brave and reckless and say bollocks to convention. I'm going to try everything I've always wanted to. Everything. I've even made a list of new things to do sexually before I hit 30. Some are pretty basic and some will take a little planning.

Wish me luck.

The A Word

I must admit, I'm intrigued. Bum fun was never something that was purposefully participated in with previous boyfriends. I remember vaguely discussing it with my ex Chris (very safe and dull in bed) but he made a 'yuk' face and carried on with his plans for vaginal domination. Now that I'm single again, everywhere I go it's an anal frenzy. My mate Lucy even buys little home enema kits so she doesn't have to deal with any poo fiasco, and apparently has anal more frequently than regular sex. I do however laugh uncontrollably when she mentions her occasional 'ring sting'. My friend Lynne, though, is convinced that no women actually, genuinely like it – they just say they do to please their partner.

I was unclear about what pleasure I'd actually get from it. There was one drunken incident at 19 where it was sneakily attempted but quickly cut short with me screaming "OUCH" and giving the guy a dead leg. So, I'm aware that there may be some pain involved, but surely there must be something in it? Surely not all women grimace, bite down and bear it just to please their fellas?

So, I sounded out my handsome American friend Jeremy, whom I felt I could trust with my extremely nervous ass. He knew what he was doing and promised to stop if I felt the need to punch his face in.

I won't go into too much detail - I'm not looking to titillate here - but let's just say I'm a convert. Big time. In fact, I can't believe I didn't do it years ago. I love it. Get the picture? Yes it's taboo, yes it could get messy in all the wrong ways, but with someone who's kind and understands that it's not an area you take a run at, it's pretty damn hot. Sexy in fact. Jeremy now thinks all his birthdays have come at once and has agreed to be my partner in crime when required.

Anal will always have misogynistic undertones, despite the fact it's becoming more and more socially acceptable. Girls who participate have always been frowned upon (apparently Marilyn Monroe was a big fan) and considered 'dirty'. I'm thinking it'll probably never be acceptable dinner conversation at Christmas, no matter how much sherry is in the trifle.

I'm proud of myself in a secret smug smile kind of way. The first item on my list proved to be a success and I'm looking forward to my next choice. Things could definitely get interesting ...