Diary of a Financial Dominatrix, part one

On an ordinary day, on an ordinary dating site, one woman received a request to rinse a man's finances for his own erotic gratification. She agreed, of course...

Feature by Felicity Benefutuis | 09 Dec 2016
  • Financial Dominatrix Deviance

Following the implosion of my most recent relationship I did what I do best and returned to trawling dating sites. Three days into my sket journey and I received a message on Plenty of Fish that sparked my curiosity.

“Hey, I know I’m not good enough but can I be of some use to you? Pay for your dates with others?”

Welcome to the world of financial domination, a scene which thrives on Twitter, where some ‘goddesses’ command legions of ‘slaves’ to pay for their every expense. I’m new to the scene but I’ll do my best to show you around.

What on earth is a paypig?

A financial submissive, or ‘paypig’, is (usually) a man who finds it erotic when their dominant (i.e. moi) rinses their finances. Following his query, I’m now the Plenty of Fish messager’s dom. I refer to him as Boy, because ‘Pig’ and ‘Slave’ (his suggested nicknames) don’t sit well with me as a woman of colour. His sexual gratification comes from humiliation – Boy finds it erotic to reimburse me for my limited attention.

I’ve never met him, and he doesn’t know my name. He calls me ‘goddess’ and sends me money to use on dates with other men or to put towards fancy lipsticks and all for absolutely nothing in return, besides my consistent disinterest.

This fetish has been linked to ‘cuckolding’; a fetish driven by experiencing the jealousy of someone else having sex with your partner, but our set-up differs from cuckoldry, because he idolises me as a woman that he will never have and lays absolutely no claim to me or my time.

Terms and Safewords

I deliberated for a long time before getting involved. One of the first things I established was consent, and a safeword. His terms were simple: he would establish how much money he had to spare a month, and I would spend it. Mine were a little more involved: he isn’t allowed to meet me, I would tell him when I needed money and what for, and he would receive the occasional picture of me. He later denied himself these pictures as he believed ‘he didn’t deserve them’. This is his loss, because as I’ve established before, I am very skilled at taking nudes.

Developing my voice as a dom

This is, of course, an incredibly profitable arrangement for me, and he seems to consider it mutually beneficial. I’ve had my eyebrows done, bought some hair products and also had my cabs paid for to and from dates, all for the low price of making him ache with jealousy when I describe my relationships with other men. It turns out I make a very good dom; for someone who is very submissive in the bedroom, I have developed a knack for sounding very demanding and authoritative, and started to enjoy this new side of myself. Exhibit A, an actual text I found myself sending:

“You’re paying for my time. I’m going to need to know how much of my time you’re worth soon. Go ahead and work, text me when you finish. Keep making my money.”

We’re also still working out establishing proper boundaries and appropriate punishments. A common punishment from financial doms is the threat of exposure. I made it clear from the very beginning that the idea of blackmail was abhorrent to me, so that threat has lost its edge. Financial penalties don’t work either – he finds them too exciting.

Fetish respect

In our very first exchange I made a point of assuring this man that I would respect his fetish. I hope you will too. I’ve written this article with his consent – I don’t want to abuse his trust, nor do I have time for kink-shaming of harmless fetishes. In the hierarchy of fetishes financial submissiveness is one of the lesser known. It’s often ridiculed, probably because our nonsense patriarchal rules condemn male submissiveness.

Anonymity: essential or an obstacle?

Originally I prized Boy’s anonymity. I didn’t want to know anything about him for fear of becoming too attached to perform the dominant voice he needed. But as time passed, I scrapped that and started getting to know him. Turns out he’s a real doll. I’m more aware of what he needs from me since doing so; it isn’t all invoices and insults, sometimes he wants me to be kind and give him advice about his day. This actually came as a relief because I’m not sure how long I could sustain the mean stuff – it’s much easier to be kind.

Warning signs

As our professional relationship has developed, I’ve become slightly concerned about safety – both mine and his. I’m pretty much anonymous to him (my bank account details are the extent of what he knows about me), and he has entrusted me with his privacy. But I'm concerned about whether or not Boy is actually in a position to consent to our agreement. He lacks self-preservation, and sends me money without leaving himself a comfortable amount to live on. He’s admitted to taking out a credit card and a larger overdraft to fund his kink. Because of this, I’ve come to realise that one of my roles as his dom is ensuring that he doesn’t overindulge and bankrupt himself, so I’ve decided that it’s better he has me than a less scrupulous goddess. After all, is it really consent if you’re too horny to think straight?