The Dirty Dozen – December 2010

The Loves – December Boy/Bubblegum (Fortuna POP! 6 Dec)
God, they've really done this for ten years? And now they are calling it quits next year? Possibly because they've come to realise that in those ten years they were not able to add one tiny bit of their own to the previously existing Sixties canon. Could have told them. 45/100

Dirty Projectors – As I Went Out One Morning (Domino 6 Dec)
In which our hero Dave Longstreth does Dylan and his mistresses save the whole thing from going South once more. Ignore this, and do seek out DM Stith's mind-blowing reinterpretation of Gates Of Eden on some dodgy Dylan tribute from a few months ago. Stunning stuff. 95/100 for DM, 60/100 for DPs

School of Seven Bells – I L U (Full Time Hobby, 6 Dec)
They used to be good, no? The info sheet to this mentions that "guitarist Benjamin has somehow found time to be Victoria Beckham’s music supervisor for her New York shows," – I wonder what she was showing? Her stretch marks? Maybe a new line of underwear for the bulimic? 75/100

Lupen Crook – Dorothy Deserves (Beast Reality, 6 Dec)
The press release keeps going on about the video for this song. But it doesn't even load properly on YouTube, which might explain that only 695 people have tried to watch it. The band sounds like a more Kinks-y Mumford & Sons. Do I have to rate all of these? Like a 52 out of 100?

Patrick Wolf – Time of My Life (Hideout, 6 Dec)
The lyrical video for this is clever and has 93,000 more views than the previous one. This guy has been a bit of a genius for a while, no? He’s been around longer than Mumford & Sons...might even outlast them. I'd give this a glorious 67/100

Matthew Dear – You Put a Smell On Me (Ghostly International)
This is annoyingly good and possibly the only thing here that has absolutely no resemblance to Mumford & Sons. Has he always sounded this dark, or is the Health influence shining through?

Tu Fawning – I Know You Now (City Slang, 13 Dec)
No Mumford here. Pure dark genius. How else can I say it? We are putting this out. Of course it is AMAZING...

Pulled Apart By Horses – Yeah Buddy (Transgressive, 29 Nov)
Thumbs up for mimicking The Who; thumbs down for messing around with Muse to gain greater popularity. I'm sure that made as much sense as Black Mountain when they opened for Coldplay, no? People, think about who you open for! 78/100

Belleruche – Fuzz Face (Tru Thoughts, 6 Dec)
Isn’t this the same beat that Beck used for that first hit of his, what was it again, Loser? Musical innovators they ain't, but it's not as painful as some other things here… let's say a solid 61/100

The Porch Song Anthology – Christmas is Cold (Temperate Man, 29 Nov)
Why am I reviewing this? Are they paying you? Is she someone's girlfriend? Is it the token Christmas record? Waste of my time… 24/100

Randan Discotheque – Heather the Weather/The Duke & His Orderly (The Bonjour Branch, 6 Dec)
This is really hard to listen to; some sort of Mumford & Sons sing-along over an acoustic wobbly Streets blurb. I think it's fair to say that this lame attempt at trying to appear interesting results in complete failure and I must award the ultimate punishment: ignorance, or 25/100

Phosphorescent – I Don't Care If There's Cursing (Dead Oceans, 6 Dec)
Gorgeous – I love this kind of stuff. Wondering if the rest of the album is as much for old farts like me. Glorious. Beware, kids: it's Americana… yuck. But it’s single of the month! 89/100